George Carlin Quotes & Wallpapers

George Carlin
Total Quotes: 1007


Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Rhetoric paints with a broad brush. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it. And now they're coming for your Social Security money. They want your f**kin' retirement money. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I'm left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can't quite remember. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Laugh..apologiz e..let go of what you can't change. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

All music is the blues. All of it. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Would a fly without wings be called a walk? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, and a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to "God" are all answered at about the same 50% rate. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Religion is just mind control. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I find it discouraging - and a bit depressing - when I notice the unequal treatment afforded by the media to UFO believers on the one hand, and on the other, to those who believe in an invisible supreme being who inhabits the sky. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Let me get a sip of water here...you figure this stuff is safe to drink? Actually, I don't care, I drink it anyway. You know why? Because I'm an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. I'm a loyal American and I'm not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other's minds, this would be a horror show. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Part of the pleasure of being alive is the knowledge that you're not dead yet. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The only good thing about religion is the music. Because nature is filled with balances and opposites, there are always exceptions to the overall rules, whether the overall rules are bleak or otherwise. If you propound a joyous theory of existence, I will find an exception to that. If I propound a bleak theory, someone will find a joyous exception. That's just nature being nature, I think, and I don't think it offers a lot of hope. It's sort of a respite along the way. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I'm in shape. Round is a shape. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

My mother and I had a lot of distance between us emotionally, although, on the surface, most of the time, we appeared good and friendly, and all that. But I was a problem. I was a street kid. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Language is the most elementary aspect to our humanness, probably. In addition to that, it's the embodiment, it's the apotheosis of the human experience, it's the way we summarize ourselves. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Most of the note-taking happens while I'm watching television. It's a broad window on the world, and a lot of things are already established in my mind as things I say, things that I'm interested in, things that are fodder for my [stand-up] machine. And when I see something that relates to one of them, I know it instantly and if it's a further exaggeration and a further addition, or an exception - if it plays into furthering my purpose, I jot it down. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I use the [vulgar] words because apparently these words do not corrupt morally. I'm from the street in New York, hung around in a tough neighborhood. It was common to curse, you make your point. It's a very effective language. I try not to overdo it. It's never to shock. I know where it fits, it's never to shock. There's no shock value left in words. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The writing is what gives me the joy, especially editing myself for the page, and getting something ready to show to the editors, and then to have a first draft and get it back and work to fix it, I love reworking, I love editing, love love love revision, revision, revision, revision. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

There are a lot of little things about our bodies that we all know, but we never talk about. That's what interests me. These are practically universal experiences; nobody mentions them! Some of them are disgusting. Some of them are appallingly revolting and degrading even to the most degenerate mind. So let's get started with a couple of them. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The straightest line between a straight distance is two points. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

It's way beyond ironic that a place called the Holy Land is the location of the fiercest, most deeply felt hatred in the world. And it makes for wonderful theater. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that." George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If God created everything, he's got a serious quality control problem. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If you want to get rid of counterfeit money, put it in the collection plate at church. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

In the United States, anybody can be President. That's the problem. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

... the important thing is to, first of all, question everything you read or hear or see or are told. Question it, and try to see the world for what it actually is, as opposed to what someone or some company or some organization or some government is trying to represent it as, or present it as, however they've mislabeled it or dressed it up or told you. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

You ever notice that? Any time you see two groups of people who really hate each other, chances are good they're wearing different kind of hats. Keep an eye on that, it might be important. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

More people write poetry than read it. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Is' it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

No one can ever know for sure what a deserted area looks like. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I have things that are strident and confrontational, and I have a lot of things that are childlike and innocent and sort of sweet. So, somewhere in between lies the middle of me. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I actually was a writer who had the ability to perform his own work as opposed to a comedian who wrote his own material. So that really made me happy and changed my whole perspective. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:



<< PREVIOUS PAGE Page 13 of 15 | NEXT PAGE >
1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10   11   12   13   14   15  


RELATED TOPICS

George Carlin Quotes, George Carlin Quotes Government, Hypocrisy Quotes George Carlin, Plastic George Carlin Quote, Stuff George Carlin Quotes, Carlin Quotes, Curious George Ether, Curious George Quotes, King George Quotes, Quotes George Burns, Saint George Quotes,