Gail Carriger Quotes & Wallpapers

Gail Carriger
Total Quotes: 188

Tunstell, this is your Alpha speaking. Do as I tell you. You must regurgitate now. Regurgitation is an involuntary action. You cannot simply order me to do it," replied Tunstell in a small voice. "I most certainly can. Besides which, you are an actor." Tunstell grimaced. "I've never had cause to vomit onstage. Gail Carriger

As if being a former vampire drone in a werewolf household were not shocking enough, the maid then opened her mouth and proved that she was also, quite reprehensibly, French. Gail Carriger

...Tunstell was not what one could describe as call subtle. His flaming red hair bobbed up with each pointed and articulated footstep as though he were some cloaked Gothic villain creeping across a stage. Gail Carriger

Floote, what is going on? Do they think I am contagious? Should I assure them I was born with a nose this size? Gail Carriger

No one ever explained the octopuses. Gail Carriger

Oh, Professor Lyall, are you making a funny? It does' suit you." The sandy-haired Beta gave Lady Maccon a dour look. "I am exploring new personality avenues." "Well, stop it." "Yes, my lady. Gail Carriger

Lyall had spent centuries nibbling about the great layered cake that was polite society while Lord Akeldama acted the part of the frosting on its top. Gail Carriger

Ivy waved her wet handkerchief, as much as to say 'words cannot possibly articulate my profound distress'. Then, because Ivy never settled for meaningful gestures when verbal embellishments could compound the effect, she said, "Words cannot possibly articulate my profound distress. Gail Carriger

Lord Maccon believed that if his trousers were on his legs, and something else was on his torso, he was dressed. The less done after that, the better. His wife had been startled to find that in the summertime, he actually went around their room barefoot! Once - and only once, mind you - he even attempted to join her for tea in such a state. Impossible man. Alexia put a stop to that posthaste. Gail Carriger

Madame Lefoux acted as midwife. In her scientific way, she was unexpectedly adept at the job. When the infant finally appeared, she held it up for Alexia to see, rather proudly, as though she'd done all the hard work herself. 'Goodness,' said an exhausted Lady Maccon, 'are babies customarily that repulsive looking? Gail Carriger

A woman, even a married woman, cannot float without proper escort. It is simply not done. Gail Carriger

Ah, Lady Maccon, how lovely. I did wonder when you would track us down." "I was unavoidably delayed by husbands and Ivys," explained Alexia. "These things, regrettably, are bound to occur when one is married and befriended. Gail Carriger

Lord Maccon, being Lord Maccon and good at such things, then changed, right there in the Thames, from dog-paddling wolf to large man treading water. He did so flawlessly, so that his head never went under the water. Professor Lyall suspected him of practicing such maneuvers in the bathtub. Gail Carriger

Oh, Professor Lyall, are you making a funny? It doesn't suit you." The sandy-haired Beta gave Lady Maccon a dour look. "I am exploring new personality avenues." "Well, stop it." "Yes, my lady. Gail Carriger

Alexia had found pregnancy relatively manageable, up to a point. That point having been some three weeks ago, at which juncture her natural reserves of control gave way to sentimentality. Only yesterday she had ended breakfast sobbing over the fried eggs because they looked at her funny. The pack had spent a good half hour trying to find a way to pacify her. Her husband was so worried he looked to start crying himself. Gail Carriger

I suppose that saves us from having to determine what to do with a butler who goes around killing people. It certainly reflects badly upon our domestic staff. Still, I shall miss him. There was a man who knew how to brew a good cup of tea. Gail Carriger

Ivy Hisselpenny was the unfortunate victim of circumstances that dictated she be only-just-pretty, only-just-wealthy, and possessed of a terrible propensity for wearing extremely silly hats. Gail Carriger

Why Alexia that is quite beautiful. It does ot reflect your customary taste at all approved Miss Hisselpenny with glee. Trust Ivy to like the hideous thing for it's looks. Gail Carriger

Miss Temminnick, you are in receipt of the highest marks we have ever given in a six-month review. Your mind seems designed for espionage. Nevertheless, you veer away from perfect in matters of etiquette. Do not let these marks go to your head; there are many girls at this school who are better than you. Our biggest concern is what you get up to when we are not watching. Because, if nothing else, this test has told us you are probably spying on us, as well as everyone around you. Gail Carriger

Lord Maccon, might we have words on the proper tying of a cravat? For my sanity's sake? Lord Maccon was nonplussed. Professor Lyall, on the other hand, was pained. "I do what I can." Lord Akeldama looked at him, pity in his eyes. "You are a brave man. Gail Carriger

He is clearly bookish. I did not follow a single word of their conversation at dinner last night, not one jot of it. He must be bookish. Gail Carriger

Alphas simply did not grovel; arrogance was part of the job description. Gail Carriger

Lord Akeldama sighed. 'You lovebirds, how will I endure such flirtations constantly in my company? How declasse, Lord Maccon, to love your own wife. Gail Carriger

The door was locked and Alexia, resourceful as she was, had not yet learned to pick locks. Though she mentally added it to her list of useful skills she needed to acquire along with hand-to-hand combat and the recipe for pesto. If her life were to continue on its present track which after 26 years of obscurity, now seemed to mainly involve people trying to kill her, it would appear that acquiring a less savory skill set might be necessary. Although she supposed pesto making ought to be termed 'more savory'. Gail Carriger

Biffy said, off the cuff, "Or we could find a replacement queen." "Volunteering for the position?" "Why, Professor, is that wittiness I detect?" "Only for you." "Charmer." Biffy tapped him on the arm playfully. Gail Carriger

What's that?" she asked the girl, wrinkling her nose. "Oh, that? That's just Pillover." "And what's a pillover, when it's at home?" "My little brother." "Ah, I commiserate. I have several of my own. Dashed inconvenient, brothers. Gail Carriger

Lady Maccon cogitated. She would like to encourage this new spirit of social-mindedness. If Felicity needed anything in her life, it was a cause. Then she might stop nitpicking everyone else. Gail Carriger

I had a recent delivery of new fashion plates from Paris, and you hardly glanced at the hairstyles. My husband tells me you are still having difficulty controlling the change. And your cravat has been tied very simply of late, even for evening events. Gail Carriger

The duke contents himself mainly with attempting to rule the world and other suchlike nonsense. When one is guiding the patterns of the social universe, a single spinster preternatural is unlikely to cause one undue distress. Gail Carriger

Lord Maccon looked up. "Grovel, you say?" Lyall did not glance away from the latest vampire report he was perusing. "Grovel, my lord. Gail Carriger

Really, Channing," remonstrated Alexia, "did you have to eat the man's dog? I am convinced you will experience terrible indigestion. Gail Carriger

Which was why, some six hours later, Alexia Maccon's daughter was born inside the head of an octomaton in the presence of her husband, a comatose werewolf dandy, and a French inventor. Gail Carriger

Spin the parasol three times and repeat after me: I shield in the name of fashion. I accessorize for one and all. Pursuit of truth is my passion. This I vow by the great parasol. Gail Carriger

The Gamma paused. "You have a crazed werewolf in your wine cellar?" "You can think of a better place to stash him?" "What about the wine? Gail Carriger

I never gossip. I observe. And then relay my observations to practically everyone. Gail Carriger

What if all those strange and unexplainable bends in history were the result of supernatural interference? At which point I asked myself, what's the weirdest most eccentric historical phenomenon of them all? Answer:the Great British Empire. Clearly, one tiny little island could only conquer half the known world with supernatural aid. Those absurd Victorian manners and ridiculous fashions were obviously dictated by vampires. And, without a doubt, the British army regimental system functions on werewolf pack dynamics. Gail Carriger

My Hallway" remarked Lord Akeldama,"Has never seen such lively action. And That, my sugarplums, is saying something! Gail Carriger

The vampire's eyes were open, and he was staring at her intently. It was as though he were trying to speak to her with simply the power of a glare. Alexia did not speak glare-ish. Gail Carriger

She sifted, sighed, and stared up at the ceiling, trying to think about anything but Lord Maccoon, her current predicament, or Lord Akeldama's safety. Which meant she could do nothing but reflect on the complex plight of her mama's more recent embroidery project. Thins, in itself, was a worse torture than any her captors could devise. Gail Carriger

Oh, Herbert," she said pleadingly to her silent husband, "you must make him marry her! Call for the parson immediately! Look at them... they are...," she sputtered, "canoodling! Gail Carriger

It's no good choosing your first husband from a school for evil geniuses. Much too difficult to kill. Gail Carriger

Sophronia was minding her own business and running late to luncheon, as was her custom. She'd let to learn the advantage of punctuality. As she told Sister Mattie the third time she was late to household potions and poisons, nothing interesting happened until after an event commenced. Gail Carriger

But I don't want to be a vampire drone.' Sophronia winced. 'They'll suck my blood and make me wear only the very latest fashions. Gail Carriger

What do you want?" Sophronia was moved to exasperation. "Me? Stockings and breeches to come back in fashion. I do miss seeing a man's calves. Gail Carriger

If there is gossip to be garnered, garner it. If there are new dress styles to be imitated, imitate them. If there are hearts to be broken, break them. That's my girls. Gail Carriger

He was so very large and so very gruff that he rather terrified her, but he always behaved correctly in public, and there was a lot to be said for a man who sported such well-tailored jackets-even if he did change into a ferocious beast once a month. Gail Carriger

He dinna act like an Alpha." "He does in some areas. Gail Carriger

She was no closer to determining who might want her dead. There were just too many possibilities. Gail Carriger

Someone was trying to kill Lady Alexia Maccon. It was most inconvenient, as she was in a dreadful hurry. Given her previous familiarity with near-death experiences and their comparative frequency with regards to her good self, Alexia should probably have allowed extra time for such a predictable happenstance. Gail Carriger

I love him so very much. As Romeo did Jugurtha, as Pyramid did Thirsty, as-" "Oh, please, no need to elaborate further," interjected Alexia, wincing. "But what would my family SAY to such a union?" "They would say that yours hats had leaked into your head," muttered Alexia, unheard under her breath. Gail Carriger

Who does' want an exploding wicker chicken? Gail Carriger

Here, I stole it for you. Why do' you tell me what it's for." "Aw, Sophronia, how thoughtful. You brought me a present! Gail Carriger

Poetry can cause irreparable harm when misapplied Gail Carriger

She boasted the general battle-ax demeanor of an especially strict governess. This was the kind of woman who took her tea black, smoked cigars after midnight, played a mean game of cribbage, and kept a bevy of repulsive little dogs. Alexia liked her immediately. Gail Carriger

With a resigned shrug, she screamed and collapsed into a faint. She stayed resolutely fainted, despite the liberal application of smelling salts, which made her eyes water most tremendously, a cramp in the back of one knee, and the fact that her new ball gown was getting most awfully wrinkled. Gail Carriger

A man was attacking me with a wet handkerchief. Gail Carriger

Conall," "Aye, Alexia?" He looked up at her. Was that fear in his caramel eyes? "I am going to take advantage of you," she said Gail Carriger

Hello, princess," said Lord Maccon to the vampire. "Got yourself into quite a pickle this time, didn't you?" Lord Akeldama looked him up and down. "My sweet young naked boy, you are hardly one to talk. Not that I mind, of course. Gail Carriger

Really, Alexia, what could have possessed you to attach yourself to the side of the ship in such a juvenile fashion? It is positively barnacle-like. Gail Carriger

She poked him in the center of his chest with two fingers to punctuate her words. "You are an unfeeling"-poke -"traitorous"-poke-"mistrusting"-poke-"rude"-poke -"booby!" Every poke turned him mortal, but Lord Maccon didn't seem to mind it in the least. Instead he grabbed the hand that poked him and brought it to his lips. "You put it very well, my love. Gail Carriger

As with most things in life, Lady Maccon preferred the civilized exterior to the dark underbelly (with the exception of pork products, of course.) Gail Carriger

At such close range, even she could hit a vampire full force in the shoulder, surprising him considerably. He paused in his attack. "Well, my word! You can't threaten me, you're pregnant! Gail Carriger

Past persons of Scottishness in contact with mastermind of supernatural persuasion in London, aka Agent Doom.' Floote moved on to the third bit of paper. " 'Lady K says Agent Doom assisted depraved Plan of Action. May have all been his idea.' Moving on to the last one, he read out, "Summer permits Scots to expose more knee than lady of refinement should have to withstand. Hairmuffs much admired. Yours etc., Puff Bonnet. Gail Carriger

It was a constant source of amazement to Alexia that the only thing she had ever done in her entire life that pleased her mama was marry a werewolf. Gail Carriger

Alexia had spent long hours wondering over that mustache. Werewolves did not grow hair, as they did not age. Where had it come from? Had he always had it? For how many centuries had his poor abused upper lip labored under the burden of such vegetation? Gail Carriger

Alexia blinked stupidly at the Beta from around the earl's upper arm. Her heart was doing crazy things, and she still could not locate her kneecaps. She took a deep breath and put some serious attention into tracking them down. Gail Carriger

Alexia figured, delightedly, that this meant he did, in fact, tend to traipse around his private apartments in the altogether. Marriage was becoming more and more of an attractive prospect. Gail Carriger

Highland werewolves had a reputation for doing atrocious and highly unwarranted *things*, like wearing smoking jackets to the dinner table. Gail Carriger

How ghastly for her, people actually thinking, with their brains, and right next door. Oh, the travesty of it all. Gail Carriger

Lord Maccon was built like a brick outhouse, with opinions twice as unmoving and often equally full of crap. Gail Carriger

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