Douglas Adams Quotes & Wallpapers

Douglas Adams
Total Quotes: 678


Ballycumber (ba-li-KUM-ber) n. One of the six half-read books lying somewhere in your bed. Douglas Adams
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He has personality problems beyond the dreams of analysts. Douglas Adams
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I don't go to mythical places with strange men. Douglas Adams
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The point is, you see," said Ford, "that there is no point in driving yourself mad trying to stop yourself going mad. You might just as well give in and save your sanity for later. Douglas Adams
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I'm up to here with cool, okay? I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis. Douglas Adams
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Come on," he droned, "I've been ordered to take you down to the bridge. Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to take you down to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? 'Cos I don't." He turned and walked back to the hated door. "Er, excuse me," said Ford following after him, "which government owns this ship?" Marvin ignored him. "You watch this door," he muttered, "it's about to open again. I can tell by the intolerable air of smugness it suddenly generates. Douglas Adams
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Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself in to its external computer feed. I talked to the computer at great length and explained my view of the Universe to it," said Marvin. "And what happened?" pressed Ford. "It committed suicide," said Marvin and stalked off back to the Heart of Gold. Douglas Adams
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There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind. Douglas Adams
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It is folly to say you know what is happening to other people. Only they know, if they exist. They have their own Universes of their own eyes and ears. Douglas Adams
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Very strange people, physicists - in my experience the ones who aren't dead are in some way very ill. Douglas Adams
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Would you like me to go and stick my head in a bucket of water? Douglas Adams
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Don't spin your wheels and stress. Take a deep breath, center yourself and make a plan. Douglas Adams
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I think that growing up in a crowded continent like Europe with an awful lot of competing claims, ideas, cultures, and systems of thought we have, perforce, developed a more sophisticated notion of what the word freedom means than I see much evidence of in America. To be frank, it sometimes seems that the American idea of freedom has more to do with my freedom to do what I want than your freedom to do what you want. I think that in Europe we're probably better at understanding how to balance those competing claims, though not a lot. Douglas Adams
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We talked about how easy it was to make the mistake of anthropomorphizing animals, and projecting our own feelings and perceptions on to them, where they were inappropriate and didn't fit. We simply had no idea what it was like being an extremely large lizard, and neither for that matter did the lizard, because it was not self-conscious about being an extremely large lizard, it just got on with the business of being one. To react with revulsion to its behavior was to make the mistake of applying criteria that are only appropriate to the business of being human. Douglas Adams
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A theory of the universe that states: If anyone finds out what the universe is for, it will disappear and be replaced by something more bizarrely inexplicable. Douglas Adams
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We"ll meet the meat. Douglas Adams
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Pardon me for breathing, which I never do any way so I do' know why I bother to say it, oh God, I'm so depressed. Douglas Adams
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It takes a long time before we really get to grips with this [Darwin's 'On the Origin of Species'] and begin to understand it, because not only does it seem incredible and thoroughly demeaning to us, but it's yet another shock to our system to discover that not only are we not the centre of the Universe and we're not made by anything, but we started out as some kind of slime and got to where we are via being a monkey. It just doesn't read well. Douglas Adams
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The door was the way to... to... The Door was The Way. Good. Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you didn't have a good answer to. Douglas Adams
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There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. Douglas Adams
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Anything that is in the world when you?re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works. Anything that?s invented between when you?re fifteen and thirty- five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. Anything invented after you?re thirty-five is against the natural order of things. Douglas Adams
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Don't Panic. It's the first helpful or intelligible thing anybody's said to me all day. Douglas Adams
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So, the world is fine. We don't have to save the world-the world is big enough to look after itself. What we have to be concerned about, is whether or not the world we live in, will be capable of sustaining us in it. That's what we need to think about. Douglas Adams
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They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters. Douglas Adams
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He had extracted himself from the Cambridge one-way system by the usual method, which involved going round and round it faster and faster until he achieved a sort of escape velocity and flew off at a tangent in a random direction, which he was now trying to identify and correct for. Douglas Adams
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No one really knows what mattresses are meant to gain from their lives either. They are large, friendly, pocket-sprung creatures that live quiet private lives in the marshes of Sqornshellous Zeta. Many of them get caught, slaughtered, dried out, shipped out and slept on. None of them seems to mind this and all of them are called Zem. Douglas Adams
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No. No games. He wanted her and didn't care who knew it. He definitely and absolutely wanted her, longed for her, wanted to do more things than there were names for with her. Douglas Adams
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We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of twenty-five thousand to one against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway. Douglas Adams
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A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about. Douglas Adams
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...they discovered only a small asteroid inhabited by a solitary old man who claimed repeatedly that nothing was true, though he was later discovered to be lying. Douglas Adams
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and then I decided I was a lemon for a couple of weeks. Douglas Adams
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Why' is the only question that bothers people enough to have an entire letter of the alphabet named after it. The alphabet does not go 'A B C D What? When? How?' but it does go 'V W X Why? Z. Douglas Adams
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My favorite piece of information is that Branwell Bronte, brother of Emily and Charlotte, died standing up leaning against a mantelpiece, in order to prove it could be done. This is not quite true, in fact. My absolute favorite piece of information is the fact that young sloths are so inept that they frequently grab their own arms and legs instead of tree limbs, and fall out of trees. Douglas Adams
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The world is a thing of utter inordinate complexity and richness and strangeness that is absolutely awesome. I mean the idea that such complexity can arise not only out of such simplicity, but probably absolutely out of nothing, is the most fabulous extraordinary idea. And once you get some kind of inkling of how that might have happened, it's just wonderful. And . . . the opportunity to spend 70 or 80 years of your life in such a universe is time well spent as far as I am concerned. Douglas Adams
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The Macintosh may only have 10% of the market, but it is clearly the top 10%. Douglas Adams
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It's part of the shape of the Universe. I only have to talk to somebody and they begin to hate me. Douglas Adams
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Earth: mostly harmless Douglas Adams
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These creatures you call mice, you see, they are not quite as they appear. They are merely the protrusion into our dimension of vastly hyperintelligent pandimensional beings. Douglas Adams
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He was constantly reminded of how startlingly different a place the world was when viewed from a point only three feet to the left. Douglas Adams
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Put away your worries, the world is a good and perfect place. It is in fact very easy. Douglas Adams
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He didn't know why he had become president of the galaxy, except that it seemed a fun thing to be. Douglas Adams
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In the center lay the exploded carcass of a lonely sperm whale that hadn't lived long enough to be disappointed with its lot. Douglas Adams
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The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks. How often have you been presented with an apparently rational explanation of something that works in all respects other than one, which is just that it is hopelessly improbable? Your instinct is to say, 'Yes, but he or she simply wouldn't do that. Douglas Adams
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The Encyclopedia Galactica defines a robot as a mechanical apparatus designed to do the work of a man. The marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation defines a robot as "Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun to Be With. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines the marketing devision of the Sirius Cybernetic Corporation as "a bunch of mindless jerks who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes, Douglas Adams
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'Totally mad,' he said, 'utter nonsense. But we'll do it because it's brilliant nonsense.' Douglas Adams
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The most misleading assumptions are the ones you don't even know you're making. Douglas Adams
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I think the problem, to be quite honest with you, is that you've never actually known what the question is. Douglas Adams
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There are some oddities in the perspective with which we see the world. Douglas Adams
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Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things Douglas Adams
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Time doesn't necessarily happen in chronological order. Douglas Adams
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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. Douglas Adams
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All you really need to know for the moment is that the universe is a lot more complicated than you might think, even if you start from a position of thinking it's pretty damn complicated in the first place. Douglas Adams
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The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing. Douglas Adams
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Ford Prefect suppressed a little giggle of evil satisfaction, realized that he had no reason to suppress it, and laughed out loud, a wicked laugh. Douglas Adams
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But nowadays everybody's a comedian, even the weather girls and continuity announcers. We laugh at everything. Not intelligently anymore, not with sudden shock, astonishment, or revelation, just relentlessly and meaninglessly. No more rain showers in the desert, just mud and drizzle everywhere, occasionally illuminated by the flash of paparazzi. Douglas Adams
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Technology is a word that describes something that doesn't work yet. Douglas Adams
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Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation. Douglas Adams
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He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which. Douglas Adams
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That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting. Douglas Adams
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Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied. Douglas Adams
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We notice things that don't work. We don't notice things that do. We notice computers, we don't notice pennies. We notice e-book readers, we don't notice books. Douglas Adams
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There is no problem so complicated that you can't find a very simple answer to it if you look at it right. Douglas Adams
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Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off. Douglas Adams
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So this is it," said Arthur, "We are going to die." "Yes," said Ford, "except... no! Wait a minute!" He suddenly lunged across the chamber at something behind Arthur's line of vision. "What's this switch?" he cried. "What? Where?" cried Arthur, twisting round. "No, I was only fooling," said Ford, "we are going to die after all. Douglas Adams
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The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why, and Where phases. For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question 'How can we eat?' the second by the question 'Why do we eat?' and the third by the question 'Where shall we have lunch? Douglas Adams
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We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! Douglas Adams
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But the reason I call myself by my childhood name is to remind myself that a scientist must also be absolutely like a child. If he sees a thing, he must say that he sees it, whether it was what he thought he was going to see or not. See first, think later, then test. But always see first. Otherwise you will only see what you were expecting. Douglas Adams
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Conceited little mega-puppy. Douglas Adams
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In fact, a very similar phrase was invented to account for the sudden transition of wood, metal, plastic and concrete into an explosive condition, which was "nonlinear, catastrophic structural exasperation," or to put it another way-as a junior cabinet minister did on television the following night in a phrase which was to haunt the rest of his career-the check-in desk had just got "fundamentally fed up with being where it was. Douglas Adams
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Believe me, it is a great deal better to find cast-iron proof that you're innocent than to languish in a cell hoping that the police-who already think you're guilty-will find it for you. Douglas Adams
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