Douglas Adams Quotes & Wallpapers

Douglas Adams
Total Quotes: 678


Ballycumber (ba-li-KUM-ber) n. One of the six half-read books lying somewhere in your bed. Douglas Adams
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Very strange people, physicists - in my experience the ones who aren't dead are in some way very ill. Douglas Adams
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Would you like me to go and stick my head in a bucket of water? Douglas Adams
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Don't spin your wheels and stress. Take a deep breath, center yourself and make a plan. Douglas Adams
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We"ll meet the meat. Douglas Adams
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Pardon me for breathing, which I never do any way so I do' know why I bother to say it, oh God, I'm so depressed. Douglas Adams
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The door was the way to... to... The Door was The Way. Good. Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you didn't have a good answer to. Douglas Adams
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A theory of the universe that states: If anyone finds out what the universe is for, it will disappear and be replaced by something more bizarrely inexplicable. Douglas Adams
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I think that growing up in a crowded continent like Europe with an awful lot of competing claims, ideas, cultures, and systems of thought we have, perforce, developed a more sophisticated notion of what the word freedom means than I see much evidence of in America. To be frank, it sometimes seems that the American idea of freedom has more to do with my freedom to do what I want than your freedom to do what you want. I think that in Europe we're probably better at understanding how to balance those competing claims, though not a lot. Douglas Adams
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We talked about how easy it was to make the mistake of anthropomorphizing animals, and projecting our own feelings and perceptions on to them, where they were inappropriate and didn't fit. We simply had no idea what it was like being an extremely large lizard, and neither for that matter did the lizard, because it was not self-conscious about being an extremely large lizard, it just got on with the business of being one. To react with revulsion to its behavior was to make the mistake of applying criteria that are only appropriate to the business of being human. Douglas Adams
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I say what it occurs to me to say when I think I hear people say things. More I cannot say. Douglas Adams
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She had what it took: great hair, a profound understanding of strategic lip gloss, the intelligence to understand the world and a tiny secret interior deadness which meant she didn't care. Douglas Adams
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...to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before... Douglas Adams
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What do you get if you multiply six by nine?" "Six by nine. Forty two." "That's it. That's all there is." "I always thought something was fundamentally wrong with the universe Douglas Adams
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and then I decided I was a lemon for a couple of weeks. Douglas Adams
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Why' is the only question that bothers people enough to have an entire letter of the alphabet named after it. The alphabet does not go 'A B C D What? When? How?' but it does go 'V W X Why? Z. Douglas Adams
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So, the world is fine. We don't have to save the world-the world is big enough to look after itself. What we have to be concerned about, is whether or not the world we live in, will be capable of sustaining us in it. That's what we need to think about. Douglas Adams
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They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters. Douglas Adams
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What a wonderfully exciting cough,' said the little man, quite startled by it, 'do you mind if I join you?' And with that he launched into the most extraordinary and spectacular fit of coughing which caught Arthur so much by surprise that he started to choke violently, discovered he was already doing it and got thoroughly confused. Douglas Adams
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If there's any real truth, it's that the entire multidimensional infinity of the Universe is almost certainly being run by a bunch of maniacs. Douglas Adams
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He had extracted himself from the Cambridge one-way system by the usual method, which involved going round and round it faster and faster until he achieved a sort of escape velocity and flew off at a tangent in a random direction, which he was now trying to identify and correct for. Douglas Adams
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No one really knows what mattresses are meant to gain from their lives either. They are large, friendly, pocket-sprung creatures that live quiet private lives in the marshes of Sqornshellous Zeta. Many of them get caught, slaughtered, dried out, shipped out and slept on. None of them seems to mind this and all of them are called Zem. Douglas Adams
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The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is...42! Douglas Adams
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He sniggered. He didn't like to think of himself as the sort of person who giggled or sniggered, but he had to admit that he had been giggling and sniggering almost continuously for well over half an hour now. Douglas Adams
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Marvin trudged on down the corridor, still moaning. "...and then of course I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left hand side..." "No?" said Arthur grimly as he walked along beside him. "Really?" "Oh yes," said Marvin, "I mean I've asked for them to be replaced but no one ever listens." "I can imagine. Douglas Adams
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We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of twenty-five thousand to one against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway. Douglas Adams
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A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about. Douglas Adams
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...they discovered only a small asteroid inhabited by a solitary old man who claimed repeatedly that nothing was true, though he was later discovered to be lying. Douglas Adams
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It is folly to say you know what is happening to other people. Only they know, if they exist. They have their own Universes of their own eyes and ears. Douglas Adams
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I find that writing is a constant battle with exactly the same problems you've always had. Douglas Adams
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It takes a long time before we really get to grips with this [Darwin's 'On the Origin of Species'] and begin to understand it, because not only does it seem incredible and thoroughly demeaning to us, but it's yet another shock to our system to discover that not only are we not the centre of the Universe and we're not made by anything, but we started out as some kind of slime and got to where we are via being a monkey. It just doesn't read well. Douglas Adams
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There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. Douglas Adams
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Anything that is in the world when you?re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works. Anything that?s invented between when you?re fifteen and thirty- five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. Anything invented after you?re thirty-five is against the natural order of things. Douglas Adams
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Don't Panic. It's the first helpful or intelligible thing anybody's said to me all day. Douglas Adams
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The Macintosh may only have 10% of the market, but it is clearly the top 10%. Douglas Adams
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Technology is a word that describes something that doesn't work yet. Douglas Adams
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Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation. Douglas Adams
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He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which. Douglas Adams
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That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting. Douglas Adams
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Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied. Douglas Adams
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We notice things that don't work. We don't notice things that do. We notice computers, we don't notice pennies. We notice e-book readers, we don't notice books. Douglas Adams
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There is no problem so complicated that you can't find a very simple answer to it if you look at it right. Douglas Adams
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Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off. Douglas Adams
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So this is it," said Arthur, "We are going to die." "Yes," said Ford, "except... no! Wait a minute!" He suddenly lunged across the chamber at something behind Arthur's line of vision. "What's this switch?" he cried. "What? Where?" cried Arthur, twisting round. "No, I was only fooling," said Ford, "we are going to die after all. Douglas Adams
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The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why, and Where phases. For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question 'How can we eat?' the second by the question 'Why do we eat?' and the third by the question 'Where shall we have lunch? Douglas Adams
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We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! Douglas Adams
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It's part of the shape of the Universe. I only have to talk to somebody and they begin to hate me. Douglas Adams
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Earth: mostly harmless Douglas Adams
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These creatures you call mice, you see, they are not quite as they appear. They are merely the protrusion into our dimension of vastly hyperintelligent pandimensional beings. Douglas Adams
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He was constantly reminded of how startlingly different a place the world was when viewed from a point only three feet to the left. Douglas Adams
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Put away your worries, the world is a good and perfect place. It is in fact very easy. Douglas Adams
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He didn't know why he had become president of the galaxy, except that it seemed a fun thing to be. Douglas Adams
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In the center lay the exploded carcass of a lonely sperm whale that hadn't lived long enough to be disappointed with its lot. Douglas Adams
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The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks. How often have you been presented with an apparently rational explanation of something that works in all respects other than one, which is just that it is hopelessly improbable? Your instinct is to say, 'Yes, but he or she simply wouldn't do that. Douglas Adams
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Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things Douglas Adams
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Time doesn't necessarily happen in chronological order. Douglas Adams
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It's good to leave your room super-messy when you're away. Whoever tries to break into your room will thought it has already been ransacked. Douglas Adams
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But nowadays everybody's a comedian, even the weather girls and continuity announcers. We laugh at everything. Not intelligently anymore, not with sudden shock, astonishment, or revelation, just relentlessly and meaninglessly. No more rain showers in the desert, just mud and drizzle everywhere, occasionally illuminated by the flash of paparazzi. Douglas Adams
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They live in perpetual fear of the time they call "The Coming of the Great White Handkerchief Douglas Adams
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There's nothing worse than sitting down to write a novel and saying, "Well, okay, I'm going to do something of high artistic worth." It's funny. Douglas Adams
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Believe me, it is a great deal better to find cast-iron proof that you're innocent than to languish in a cell hoping that the police-who already think you're guilty-will find it for you. Douglas Adams
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Nobleness was one word for making a fuss about the trivial inevitabilities of life, but there were others. Douglas Adams
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The idea was fantastically, wildly improbable. But like most fantastically, wildly improbable ideas it was at least as worthy of consideration as a more mundane one to which the facts had been strenuously bent to fit. Douglas Adams
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Dirk turned on the car wipers, which grumbled because they didn't have quite enough rain to wipe away, so he turned them off again. Rain quickly speckled the windscreen. He turned on the wipers again, but they still refused to feel that the exercise was worthwhile, and scraped and squeaked in protest. Douglas Adams
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Do you find coming to terms with the mindless tedium of it all presents an interesting challenge? Douglas Adams
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Marvin started his ironical humming again. Zaphod hit him and he shut up. Douglas Adams
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How can I tell," said the man, "that the past isn't a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind? Douglas Adams
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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. Douglas Adams
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But the reason I call myself by my childhood name is to remind myself that a scientist must also be absolutely like a child. If he sees a thing, he must say that he sees it, whether it was what he thought he was going to see or not. See first, think later, then test. But always see first. Otherwise you will only see what you were expecting. Douglas Adams
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Conceited little mega-puppy. Douglas Adams
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