Douglas Adams Quotes & Wallpapers

Douglas Adams
Total Quotes: 678


It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons. Douglas Adams
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It is known that there is an infinite number of worlds, but that not every one is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so if every planet in the Universe has a population of zero then the entire population of the Universe must also be zero, and any people you may actually meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination. Douglas Adams
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My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes. Douglas Adams
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This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy. Douglas Adams
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There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovered exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarrely inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. Douglas Adams
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It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on Earth has ever produced the expression 'as pretty as an airport. Douglas Adams
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I do' know what I'm looking for." "What not?" "Because ... because ... I think it might be because if I knew I would' be able to look for them. Douglas Adams
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Funny, how just when you think life ca' possibly get any worse it suddenly does. Douglas Adams
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Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space. Douglas Adams
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If there was one thing life had taught her it was that there are times when you do not go back for your bag and times when you do. It had yet to teach her to distinguish between the two types of occasion. Douglas Adams
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Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things Douglas Adams
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I love to keep poking and prodding at it. I"ve thought about it so much over the years that that fascination is bound to spill over into my writing. Douglas Adams
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Presidents don't have power. Their job is to draw attention away from it. Douglas Adams
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"Does God know he [exists]?" "Of course he does. Otherwise, you could not have asked the question, and I could not have answered." Douglas Adams
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The World Wide Web is the only thing I know of whose shortened form takes three times longer to say than what it's short for. Douglas Adams
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You turn the computer into the storyteller and the player into the audience, like in the old days when the storyteller would actually respond to the audience, rather than just having the audience respond to the storyteller. I had an enormous amount of fun, actually, working on that. Douglas Adams
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There are two things in particular that it [the computer industry] failed to foresee: one was the coming of the Internet(...); the other was the fact that the century would end. Douglas Adams
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You can't dodge your responsibilities by saying they don't exist! Douglas Adams
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...and the renewed shock had nearly made him spill his drink. He drained it quickly before anything serious happened to it. He then had another quick one to follow the first one down and check that it was all right. Douglas Adams
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It seemed to me,' said Wonko the Sane, 'that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a package of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane. Douglas Adams
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You barbarians!' he yelled. 'I'll sue the council for every penny it's got! I'll have you hung, drawn and quartered! And whipped! And boiled...until...until...until...until you've had enough.' Ford was running after him. Very very fast. 'And then I will do it again!' yelled Arthur, 'And when I've finished I will take all the little bits, and I will jump on them! Douglas Adams
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The longest and most destructive party ever held is now into its fourth generation and still no one shows any signs of leaving. The problem of when the drink is going to run out is, however, going to have to be faced one day. The planet over which they are floating is no longer the planet it was when they first started floating over it. It is in bad shape Douglas Adams
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I love to keep poking and prodding at it. I've thought about it so much over the years that that fascination is bound to spill over into my writing. Douglas Adams
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ABOYNE (vb.) To beat an expert at a game of skill by playing so appallingly that none of his clever tactics or strategies are of any use to him. Douglas Adams
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If they don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. Douglas Adams
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Now the world has gone to bed, Darkness won't engulf my head, I can see by infrared, How I hate the night. Now I lay me down to sleep, Try to count electric sheep, Sweet dream wishes you can keep, How I hate the night. -Marvin Douglas Adams
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Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in, as Arthur Dent could testify, having been lost in both time and space a good deal. At least being lost in space kept you busy. Douglas Adams
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Much to his annoyance, a thought popped into his mind. It was very clear and very distinct, and he had now come to recognize these thoughts for what they were. His instinct was to resist them. Douglas Adams
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What is this? Some sort of galactic hyperhearse? Douglas Adams
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What I need... is a strong drink and a peer group. Douglas Adams
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I've come up with a set of rules that describe our reactions to technologies: 1. Anything that is in the world when you're born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works. 2. Anything that's invented between when you're fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. 3. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things. Douglas Adams
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Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws. Douglas Adams
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In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. Douglas Adams
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The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is...42! Douglas Adams
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Aberystwyth (n.) A nostalgic yearning which is in itself more pleasant than the thing being yearned for. Douglas Adams
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We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of twenty-five thousand to one against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway. Douglas Adams
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A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about. Douglas Adams
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...they discovered only a small asteroid inhabited by a solitary old man who claimed repeatedly that nothing was true, though he was later discovered to be lying. Douglas Adams
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What a wonderfully exciting cough,' said the little man, quite startled by it, 'do you mind if I join you?' And with that he launched into the most extraordinary and spectacular fit of coughing which caught Arthur so much by surprise that he started to choke violently, discovered he was already doing it and got thoroughly confused. Douglas Adams
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I find that writing is a constant battle with exactly the same problems you've always had. Douglas Adams
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My favorite piece of information is that Branwell Bronte, brother of Emily and Charlotte, died standing up leaning against a mantelpiece, in order to prove it could be done. This is not quite true, in fact. My absolute favorite piece of information is the fact that young sloths are so inept that they frequently grab their own arms and legs instead of tree limbs, and fall out of trees. Douglas Adams
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The world is a thing of utter inordinate complexity and richness and strangeness that is absolutely awesome. I mean the idea that such complexity can arise not only out of such simplicity, but probably absolutely out of nothing, is the most fabulous extraordinary idea. And once you get some kind of inkling of how that might have happened, it's just wonderful. And . . . the opportunity to spend 70 or 80 years of your life in such a universe is time well spent as far as I am concerned. Douglas Adams
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and then I decided I was a lemon for a couple of weeks. Douglas Adams
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Why' is the only question that bothers people enough to have an entire letter of the alphabet named after it. The alphabet does not go 'A B C D What? When? How?' but it does go 'V W X Why? Z. Douglas Adams
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So, the world is fine. We don't have to save the world-the world is big enough to look after itself. What we have to be concerned about, is whether or not the world we live in, will be capable of sustaining us in it. That's what we need to think about. Douglas Adams
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They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters. Douglas Adams
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He had extracted himself from the Cambridge one-way system by the usual method, which involved going round and round it faster and faster until he achieved a sort of escape velocity and flew off at a tangent in a random direction, which he was now trying to identify and correct for. Douglas Adams
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No one really knows what mattresses are meant to gain from their lives either. They are large, friendly, pocket-sprung creatures that live quiet private lives in the marshes of Sqornshellous Zeta. Many of them get caught, slaughtered, dried out, shipped out and slept on. None of them seems to mind this and all of them are called Zem. Douglas Adams
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We are stuck with technology when all we really want is just stuff that works. How do you recognize something that is still technology? A good clue is if it comes with a manual. Douglas Adams
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Six pints of bitter, said Ford Prefect. And quickly please, the world's about to end. Douglas Adams
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We all like to congregate at boundary conditions. Where land meets water. Where earth meets air. Where bodies meet mind. Where space meets time. We like to be on one side, and look at the other. Douglas Adams
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He has personality problems beyond the dreams of analysts. Douglas Adams
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I don't go to mythical places with strange men. Douglas Adams
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The point is, you see," said Ford, "that there is no point in driving yourself mad trying to stop yourself going mad. You might just as well give in and save your sanity for later. Douglas Adams
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I'm up to here with cool, okay? I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis. Douglas Adams
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Come on," he droned, "I've been ordered to take you down to the bridge. Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to take you down to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? 'Cos I don't." He turned and walked back to the hated door. "Er, excuse me," said Ford following after him, "which government owns this ship?" Marvin ignored him. "You watch this door," he muttered, "it's about to open again. I can tell by the intolerable air of smugness it suddenly generates. Douglas Adams
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Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself in to its external computer feed. I talked to the computer at great length and explained my view of the Universe to it," said Marvin. "And what happened?" pressed Ford. "It committed suicide," said Marvin and stalked off back to the Heart of Gold. Douglas Adams
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There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind. Douglas Adams
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It is folly to say you know what is happening to other people. Only they know, if they exist. They have their own Universes of their own eyes and ears. Douglas Adams
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He sniggered. He didn't like to think of himself as the sort of person who giggled or sniggered, but he had to admit that he had been giggling and sniggering almost continuously for well over half an hour now. Douglas Adams
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Marvin trudged on down the corridor, still moaning. "...and then of course I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left hand side..." "No?" said Arthur grimly as he walked along beside him. "Really?" "Oh yes," said Marvin, "I mean I've asked for them to be replaced but no one ever listens." "I can imagine. Douglas Adams
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I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge? Douglas Adams
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It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes. Douglas Adams
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The mere thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind. Douglas Adams
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The impossible often has a kind of integrity which the merely improbable lacks. Douglas Adams
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Life is wasted on the living. Douglas Adams
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I am fascinated by religion. (That's a completely different thing from believing in it!) It has had such an incalculably huge effect on human affairs. What is it? What does it represent? Why have we invented it? How does it keep going? What will become of it? I love to keep poking and prodding at it. I've thought about it so much over the years that that fascination is bound to spill over into my writing. Douglas Adams
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People always make this totally artificial distinction between what is commercial and what is good. They quote that maxim "Nobody ever lost money underestimating the public's taste" and I think that's very wrongheaded. I like to believe the audience is actually intelligent, because it's made up of other people like yourself. Douglas Adams
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If life is going to exist in a Universe of this size, then the one thing it cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion. Douglas Adams
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He learned to communicate with birds and discovered their conversation was fantastically boring. It was all to do with windspeed, wingspans, power-to-weight ratios and a fair bit about berries. Douglas Adams
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