Douglas Adams Quotes & Wallpapers

Douglas Adams
Total Quotes: 678


You are disoriented. Blackness swims toward you like a school of eels who have just seen something that eels like a lot. Douglas Adams
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The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he, by peddling second rate technology, led them into it in the first place, and continues to do so today. Douglas Adams
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We don't have to save the world. The world is big enough to look after itself. What we have to be concerned about is whether or not the world we live in will be capable of sustaining us in it. Douglas Adams
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AALST (n.) One who changes his name to be further to the front Douglas Adams
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FAIRYMOUNT (vb. n.) Polite word for buggery. Douglas Adams
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The teacher usually learns more than the pupils. Isn't that true? It would be hard to learn much less than my pupils, came a low growl from somewhere on the table, without undergoing a pre-frontal lobotomy. Douglas Adams
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My name is Kate Schechter. Two 'c's, two 'h's, two 'e's, and also a 't', an 'r', and an 's'. Provided they're all there the bank won't be fussy about the order they come in, they never seem to know themselves. Douglas Adams
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The Great Zaganza said: You are very fat and stupid and persistently wear a ridiculous hat which you should be ashamed of. Douglas Adams
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Yes, it was an act of God. But which God? Douglas Adams
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It startled him even more when just after he was awarded the Galactic Institute's Prize for Extreme Cleverness he got lynched by a rampaging mob of respectable physicists who had finally realized that the one thing they really couldn't stand was a smart-ass. Douglas Adams
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Life! Don't talk to me about life! Douglas Adams
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People will then often say, 'But surely it's better to remain an Agnostic just in case?' This, to me, suggests such a level of silliness and muddle that I usually edge out of the conversation rather than get sucked into it. (If it turns out that I've been wrong all along, and there is in fact a god, and if it further turned out that this kind of legalistic, cross-your-fingers-behind-your-back, Clintonian hair-splitting impressed him, then I think I would choose not to worship him anyway.) Douglas Adams
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One always overcompensates for disabilities. I'm thinking of having my entire body surgically removed. Douglas Adams
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Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart. Douglas Adams
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David Attenborough has said that Bali is the most beautiful place in the world, but he must have been there longer than we were, and seen different bits, because most of what we saw in the couple of days we were there sorting out our travel arrangements was awful. It was just the tourist area, i.e., that part of Bali which has been made almost exactly the same as everywhere else in the world for the sake of people who have come all this way to see Bali. Douglas Adams
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Zaphod felt he was teetering on the edge of madness and wondered if he shouldn't just jump over and have done with it. Douglas Adams
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It's the story of my life. You see, the quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead. Now, as you look through this document you'll see that I've underlined all the major decisions I ever made to make the stand out. They're all indexed and cross-referenced. See? All I can suggest is that if you take decisions that are exactly opposite to the sort of decisions that I've taken, then maybe you won't finish up at the end of your life" -she paused, and filled her lungs for a good should-"in a smelly old cave like this! Douglas Adams
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I don't want to die now!" he yelled. "I've still got a headache! I don't want to go to heaven with a headache, I'd be all cross and wouldn't enjoy it! Douglas Adams
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My absolute favourite piece of information is the fact that young sloths are so inept that they frequently grab their own arms and legs instead of tree limbs, and fall out of trees. Douglas Adams
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The light was only just visible - except of course that there was no one to see, no witnesses, not this time, but it was nevertheless a light. Douglas Adams
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I am terribly proud of-I was born in Cambridge in 1952 and my initials are DNA! Douglas Adams
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I think all cats are wild. They only act tame if there's a saucer of milk in it for them. Douglas Adams
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You can't possibly be a scientist if you mind people thinking that you're a fool. Douglas Adams
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Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea. Douglas Adams
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If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now. Douglas Adams
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42 is a nice number that you can take home and introduce to your family. Douglas Adams
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Most of the time spent wrestling with technologies that don't quite work yet is just not worth it for end users, however much fun it is for nerds. Douglas Adams
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The usual people tried to claim responsibility. First the IRA , then the PLO and the Gas Board. Even British Nuclear Fuels rushed out a statement to the effect that the situation was completely under control, that it was a one in a million chance, that there was hardly any radioactive leakage at all, and that the site of the explosion would make a nice location for a day out with the kids and a picnic, before finally having to admit that it wasn't actually anything to do with them at all. Douglas Adams
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High on a rocky promontory sat an Electric Monk on a bored horse. Douglas Adams
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And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything. Douglas Adams
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What was the self-sacrifice?" I jettisoned half of a much-loved and I think irreplaceable pair of shoes." Why was that self-sacrifice?" Because they were mine!" said Ford, crossly. I think we have different value systems." Well mine's better. Douglas Adams
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Everybody has their moment of great opportunity in life. If you happen to miss the one you care about, then everything else becomes eerily easy. Douglas Adams
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The air was stifling, but he liked it because it was stifling city air, full of excitingly unpleasant smells, dangerous music, and the distant sound of warring police tribes. Douglas Adams
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He almost danced to the fridge, found the three least hairy things in it, put them on a plate and watched them intently for two minutes. Since they made no attempt to move within that time he called them breakfast and ate them. Between them they killed a virulent space disease he'd picked up without knowing it in the Flargathon Gas Swamps a few days earlier, which otherwise would have killed off half the population of the Western Hemisphere, blinded the other half, and driven everyone else psychotic and sterile, so the Earth was lucky there. Douglas Adams
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Anything that thinks logically can be fooled by something else that thinks at least as logically as it does. Douglas Adams
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Nobody likes a whistler, particularly not the divinity that shapes our ends. Douglas Adams
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So the hours are pretty good then?' he resumed. The Vogon stared down at him as sluggish thoughts moiled around in the murky depths. Yeah,' he said, 'but now you come to mention it, most of the actual minutes are pretty lousy. Douglas Adams
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If everyone knew exactly what I was going to say, then there would be no point in my saying it, would there? Douglas Adams
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There is no point in using the word 'impossible' to describe something that has clearly happened. Douglas Adams
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Not unnaturally, many elevators imbued with intelligence and precognition became terribly frustrated with the mindless business of going up and down, up and down, experimented briefly with the notion of going sideways, as a sort of existential protest, demanded participation in the decision-making process and finally took to squatting in basements sulking. An impoverished hitch-hiker visiting any planets in the Sirius star system these days can pick up easy money working as a counsellor for neurotic elevators. Douglas Adams
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A life that is burdened with expectations is a heavy life. Its fruit is sorrow and disappointment. Douglas Adams
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Dennis Hutch had stepped up into the top seat when its founder had died of a lethal overdose of brick wall, taken while under the influence of a Ferrari and a bottle of tequila. Douglas Adams
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The waiter approached. 'Would you like to see the menu?' he said. 'Or would you like to meet the Dish of the Day?' 'Huh?' said Ford. 'Huh?' said Arthur. 'Huh?' said Trillian. 'That's cool,' said Zaphod. 'We'll meet the meat. Douglas Adams
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The difference between us and a computer is that, the computer is blindingly stupid, but it is capable of being stupid many, many million times a second. Douglas Adams
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Gordon Way's astonishment at being suddenly shot dead was nothing compared to his astonishment at what happened next. Douglas Adams
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And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before-and thus was the Empire forged. Douglas Adams
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There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened. Douglas Adams
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If somebody thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves. Douglas Adams
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I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons. Douglas Adams
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Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. Douglas Adams
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The longest and most destructive party ever held is now into its fourth generation and still no one shows any signs of leaving. The problem of when the drink is going to run out is, however, going to have to be faced one day. The planet over which they are floating is no longer the planet it was when they first started floating over it. It is in bad shape Douglas Adams
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I love to keep poking and prodding at it. I've thought about it so much over the years that that fascination is bound to spill over into my writing. Douglas Adams
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Ford... you're turning into a penguin. Stop it. Douglas Adams
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Let the past hold on to itself and let the present move forward into the future. Douglas Adams
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My universe is my eyes and my ears. Anything else is hearsay. Douglas Adams
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Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now? Douglas Adams
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Ahenny (adj.) - The way people stand when examining other people's bookshelves. Douglas Adams
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One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious. Douglas Adams
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Time affords us the ability to blame past errors on others while whole heartedly pronouncing our futures successes. Douglas Adams
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Your God person puts an apple tree in the middle of a garden and says, do what you like, guys, oh, but don't eat the apple. Surprise surprise, they eat it and he leaps out from behind a bush shouting "Gotcha". It wouldn't have made any difference if they hadn't eaten it.' 'Why not?' 'Because if you're dealing with somebody who has the sort of mentality which likes leaving hats on the pavement with bricks under them you know perfectly well they won't give up. They'll get you in the end. Douglas Adams
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Beauty doesn't have to be about anything. What's a vase about? What's a sunset or a flower about? What, for that matter, is Mozart's Twenty-third Piano Concerto about? Douglas Adams
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You can't dodge your responsibilities by saying they don't exist! Douglas Adams
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...and the renewed shock had nearly made him spill his drink. He drained it quickly before anything serious happened to it. He then had another quick one to follow the first one down and check that it was all right. Douglas Adams
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It seemed to me,' said Wonko the Sane, 'that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a package of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane. Douglas Adams
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You barbarians!' he yelled. 'I'll sue the council for every penny it's got! I'll have you hung, drawn and quartered! And whipped! And boiled...until...until...until...until you've had enough.' Ford was running after him. Very very fast. 'And then I will do it again!' yelled Arthur, 'And when I've finished I will take all the little bits, and I will jump on them! Douglas Adams
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You just come along with me and have a good time. The Galaxy's a fun place. You'll need to have this fish in your ear. Douglas Adams
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Looking up into the night sky is looking into infinity - distance is incomprehensible and therefore meaningless Douglas Adams
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ABOYNE (vb.) To beat an expert at a game of skill by playing so appallingly that none of his clever tactics or strategies are of any use to him. Douglas Adams
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If they don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. Douglas Adams
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Now the world has gone to bed, Darkness won't engulf my head, I can see by infrared, How I hate the night. Now I lay me down to sleep, Try to count electric sheep, Sweet dream wishes you can keep, How I hate the night. -Marvin Douglas Adams
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