Douglas Adams Quotes & Wallpapers

Douglas Adams
Total Quotes: 678


Being offended by things is the world's big hobby at the moment. It's almost taken over from wearing goatee beards. Douglas Adams
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Mark Carwardine's role, essentially, was to be the one who knew what he was talking about. My role, and one for which I was entirely qualified, was to be an extremely ignorant non-zoologist to whom everything that happened would come as a complete surprise. Douglas Adams
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On the delivery plate of the Nutri-Matic Drink Synthesizer was a small tray, on which say three bone china cups and saucers, a bone china jug of milk, a silver teapot full of the best tea Arthur had ever tasted and a small printed note saying "Wait. Douglas Adams
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One always overcompensates for disabilities. I'm thinking of having my entire body surgically removed. Douglas Adams
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Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of. Douglas Adams
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If on the other hand he went to pay his respects to The Door and it wasn't there . . . what then? The answer, of course, was very simple. He had a whole board of circuits for dealing with exactly this problem, in fact this was the very heart of his function. He would continue to believe in it whatever the facts turned out to be, what else was the meaning of Belief? The Door would still be there, even if the Door was not. Douglas Adams
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Numbers written on restaurant bills within the confines of restaurants do not follow the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any other parts of the Universe. This single fact took the scientific world by storm. Douglas Adams
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Yes it is,' said the Professor. 'Wait-' he motioned to Richard, who was about to go out again and investigate- 'let it be. It won't be long.' Richard stared in disbelief. 'You say there's a horse in your bathroom, and all you can do is stand there naming Beatles songs?' The Professor looked blankly at him. Douglas Adams
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He actually caught himself saying things like "Yippee," as he pranced ridiculously round the house. Douglas Adams
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You may not instantly see why I bring the subject up, but that is because my mind works so phenomenally fast, and I am at a rough estimate thirty billion times more intelligent than you. Let me give you an example. Think of a number, any number." "Er, five," said the mattress. "Wrong," said Marvin. "You see? Douglas Adams
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The reason why so many sects hang around airports looking for converts: they know that people there are at their most vulnerable and perplexed, and ready to accept any kind of guidance. Douglas Adams
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It startled him even more when just after he was awarded the Galactic Institute's Prize for Extreme Cleverness he got lynched by a rampaging mob of respectable physicists who had finally realized that the one thing they really couldn't stand was a smart-ass. Douglas Adams
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Cyberspace is - or can be - a good, friendly and egalitarian place to meet. Douglas Adams
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Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart. Douglas Adams
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Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars etc., and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons. Douglas Adams
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God is no longer an explanation of anything, but has instead become something that would itself need an insurmountable amount of explaining. Douglas Adams
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I think all cats are wild. They only act tame if there's a saucer of milk in it for them. Douglas Adams
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You can't possibly be a scientist if you mind people thinking that you're a fool. Douglas Adams
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Ford... you're turning into a penguin. Stop it. Douglas Adams
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Let the past hold on to itself and let the present move forward into the future. Douglas Adams
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My universe is my eyes and my ears. Anything else is hearsay. Douglas Adams
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Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now? Douglas Adams
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Ahenny (adj.) - The way people stand when examining other people's bookshelves. Douglas Adams
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One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious. Douglas Adams
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Time affords us the ability to blame past errors on others while whole heartedly pronouncing our futures successes. Douglas Adams
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Generally, old media don't die. They just have to grow old gracefully. Guess what, we still have stone masons. They haven't been the primary purveyors of the written word for a while now of course, but they still have a role because you wouldn't want a TV screen on your headstone. Douglas Adams
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Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea. Douglas Adams
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If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now. Douglas Adams
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42 is a nice number that you can take home and introduce to your family. Douglas Adams
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Most of the time spent wrestling with technologies that don't quite work yet is just not worth it for end users, however much fun it is for nerds. Douglas Adams
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The usual people tried to claim responsibility. First the IRA , then the PLO and the Gas Board. Even British Nuclear Fuels rushed out a statement to the effect that the situation was completely under control, that it was a one in a million chance, that there was hardly any radioactive leakage at all, and that the site of the explosion would make a nice location for a day out with the kids and a picnic, before finally having to admit that it wasn't actually anything to do with them at all. Douglas Adams
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High on a rocky promontory sat an Electric Monk on a bored horse. Douglas Adams
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And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything. Douglas Adams
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What was the self-sacrifice?" I jettisoned half of a much-loved and I think irreplaceable pair of shoes." Why was that self-sacrifice?" Because they were mine!" said Ford, crossly. I think we have different value systems." Well mine's better. Douglas Adams
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Everybody has their moment of great opportunity in life. If you happen to miss the one you care about, then everything else becomes eerily easy. Douglas Adams
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Beauty doesn't have to be about anything. What's a vase about? What's a sunset or a flower about? What, for that matter, is Mozart's Twenty-third Piano Concerto about? Douglas Adams
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You can't dodge your responsibilities by saying they don't exist! Douglas Adams
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...and the renewed shock had nearly made him spill his drink. He drained it quickly before anything serious happened to it. He then had another quick one to follow the first one down and check that it was all right. Douglas Adams
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It seemed to me,' said Wonko the Sane, 'that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for use in a package of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane. Douglas Adams
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You barbarians!' he yelled. 'I'll sue the council for every penny it's got! I'll have you hung, drawn and quartered! And whipped! And boiled...until...until...until...until you've had enough.' Ford was running after him. Very very fast. 'And then I will do it again!' yelled Arthur, 'And when I've finished I will take all the little bits, and I will jump on them! Douglas Adams
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The longest and most destructive party ever held is now into its fourth generation and still no one shows any signs of leaving. The problem of when the drink is going to run out is, however, going to have to be faced one day. The planet over which they are floating is no longer the planet it was when they first started floating over it. It is in bad shape Douglas Adams
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I love to keep poking and prodding at it. I've thought about it so much over the years that that fascination is bound to spill over into my writing. Douglas Adams
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There are two things in particular that it [the computer industry] failed to foresee: one was the coming of the Internet(...); the other was the fact that the century would end. Douglas Adams
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David Attenborough has said that Bali is the most beautiful place in the world, but he must have been there longer than we were, and seen different bits, because most of what we saw in the couple of days we were there sorting out our travel arrangements was awful. It was just the tourist area, i.e., that part of Bali which has been made almost exactly the same as everywhere else in the world for the sake of people who have come all this way to see Bali. Douglas Adams
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Zaphod felt he was teetering on the edge of madness and wondered if he shouldn't just jump over and have done with it. Douglas Adams
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It's the story of my life. You see, the quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead. Now, as you look through this document you'll see that I've underlined all the major decisions I ever made to make the stand out. They're all indexed and cross-referenced. See? All I can suggest is that if you take decisions that are exactly opposite to the sort of decisions that I've taken, then maybe you won't finish up at the end of your life" -she paused, and filled her lungs for a good should-"in a smelly old cave like this! Douglas Adams
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The World Wide Web is the only thing I know of whose shortened form takes three times longer to say than what it's short for. Douglas Adams
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You turn the computer into the storyteller and the player into the audience, like in the old days when the storyteller would actually respond to the audience, rather than just having the audience respond to the storyteller. I had an enormous amount of fun, actually, working on that. Douglas Adams
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If everyone knew exactly what I was going to say, then there would be no point in my saying it, would there? Douglas Adams
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There is no point in using the word 'impossible' to describe something that has clearly happened. Douglas Adams
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Not unnaturally, many elevators imbued with intelligence and precognition became terribly frustrated with the mindless business of going up and down, up and down, experimented briefly with the notion of going sideways, as a sort of existential protest, demanded participation in the decision-making process and finally took to squatting in basements sulking. An impoverished hitch-hiker visiting any planets in the Sirius star system these days can pick up easy money working as a counsellor for neurotic elevators. Douglas Adams
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A life that is burdened with expectations is a heavy life. Its fruit is sorrow and disappointment. Douglas Adams
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Dennis Hutch had stepped up into the top seat when its founder had died of a lethal overdose of brick wall, taken while under the influence of a Ferrari and a bottle of tequila. Douglas Adams
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The waiter approached. 'Would you like to see the menu?' he said. 'Or would you like to meet the Dish of the Day?' 'Huh?' said Ford. 'Huh?' said Arthur. 'Huh?' said Trillian. 'That's cool,' said Zaphod. 'We'll meet the meat. Douglas Adams
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The difference between us and a computer is that, the computer is blindingly stupid, but it is capable of being stupid many, many million times a second. Douglas Adams
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Gordon Way's astonishment at being suddenly shot dead was nothing compared to his astonishment at what happened next. Douglas Adams
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There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened. Douglas Adams
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If somebody thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves. Douglas Adams
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I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons. Douglas Adams
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Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. Douglas Adams
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The air was stifling, but he liked it because it was stifling city air, full of excitingly unpleasant smells, dangerous music, and the distant sound of warring police tribes. Douglas Adams
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He almost danced to the fridge, found the three least hairy things in it, put them on a plate and watched them intently for two minutes. Since they made no attempt to move within that time he called them breakfast and ate them. Between them they killed a virulent space disease he'd picked up without knowing it in the Flargathon Gas Swamps a few days earlier, which otherwise would have killed off half the population of the Western Hemisphere, blinded the other half, and driven everyone else psychotic and sterile, so the Earth was lucky there. Douglas Adams
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Anything that thinks logically can be fooled by something else that thinks at least as logically as it does. Douglas Adams
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Nobody likes a whistler, particularly not the divinity that shapes our ends. Douglas Adams
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So the hours are pretty good then?' he resumed. The Vogon stared down at him as sluggish thoughts moiled around in the murky depths. Yeah,' he said, 'but now you come to mention it, most of the actual minutes are pretty lousy. Douglas Adams
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Presidents don't have power. Their job is to draw attention away from it. Douglas Adams
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"Does God know he [exists]?" "Of course he does. Otherwise, you could not have asked the question, and I could not have answered." Douglas Adams
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Funny, how just when you think life ca' possibly get any worse it suddenly does. Douglas Adams
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The gorillas are not yet sufficiently advanced in evolutionary terms to have discovered the benefits of passports, currency-declaration forms, and official bribery, and therefore tend to wander backward and forward across the border as and when their beastly, primitive whim takes them. Douglas Adams
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I can see we're in for a fabulous evening's apocalypse. Douglas Adams
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