Douglas Adams Quotes & Wallpapers

Douglas Adams
Total Quotes: 678


He picked up the letter Q and hurled it into a distant privet bush where it hit a young rabbit. The rabbit hurtled off in terror and did' stop till it was set upon and eaten by a fox which choked on one of its bones and died on the bank of a stream which subsequently washed it away. During the following weeks Ford Perfect swallowed his pride and struck up a relationship with a girl who had been a personnel officer on Golgafrincham, and he was terribly upset when she suddenly passed away as a result of drinking water from a pool that had been polluted by the body of a dead fox. Douglas Adams
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In fact there was only one species on the planet more intelligent than dolphins, and they spent a lot of their time in behavioural research laboratories running around inside wheels and conduction frighteningly elegant and subtle experiments on man. The fact that once again man completely misinterpreted this relationship was entirely according to these creatures" plans. Douglas Adams
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Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart. Douglas Adams
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Being offended by things is the world's big hobby at the moment. It's almost taken over from wearing goatee beards. Douglas Adams
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Mark Carwardine's role, essentially, was to be the one who knew what he was talking about. My role, and one for which I was entirely qualified, was to be an extremely ignorant non-zoologist to whom everything that happened would come as a complete surprise. Douglas Adams
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Here's what the Encyclopedia Galactica has to say about alcohol. It says that alcohol is a colourless volatile liquid formed by the fermentation of sugars and also notes its intoxicating effect on certain carbon-based life forms. Douglas Adams
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We no longer think of chairs as technology, we just think of them as chairs. But there was a time when we hadn't worked out how many legs chairs should have, how tall they should be, and they would often "crash" when we tried to use them. Before long, computers will be as trivial and plentiful as chairs and we will cease to be aware of the things. In fact I'm sure we will look back on this last decade and wonder how we could ever have mistaken what we were doing with them for "productivity" Douglas Adams
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Ha, but my life is a box of wormgears. Douglas Adams
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The big corporations are suddenly taking notice of the web, and their reactions have been slow. Even the computer industry failed to see the importance of the Internet, but that's not saying much. Let's face it, the computer industry failed to see that the century would end. Douglas Adams
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If I were not an atheist, I think I would have to be a Catholic because if it wasn't the forces of natural selection that designed fish, It must have been an Italian. Douglas Adams
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Douglas Adams did not enjoy writing, and he enjoyed it less as time went on. He was a bestselling, acclaimed, and much-loved novelist who had not set out to be a novelist, and who took little joy in the process of crafting novels. He loved talking to audiences. He liked writing screenplays. He liked being at the cutting edge of technology and inventing Douglas Adams
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If you took a couple of David Bowies and stuck one of the David Bowies on the top of the other David Bowie, then attached another David Bowie to the end of each of the arms of the upper of the first two David Bowies and wrapped the whole business up in a dirty beach robe you would then have something which didn't exactly look like John Watson, but which those who knew him would find hauntingly familiar. Douglas Adams
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Marvin was humming ironically because he hated humans so much. Douglas Adams
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Cyberspace is - or can be - a good, friendly and egalitarian place to meet. Douglas Adams
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Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now? Douglas Adams
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Ahenny (adj.) - The way people stand when examining other people's bookshelves. Douglas Adams
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One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious. Douglas Adams
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Time affords us the ability to blame past errors on others while whole heartedly pronouncing our futures successes. Douglas Adams
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Beauty doesn't have to be about anything. What's a vase about? What's a sunset or a flower about? What, for that matter, is Mozart's Twenty-third Piano Concerto about? Douglas Adams
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I don't want to die now!" he yelled. "I've still got a headache! I don't want to go to heaven with a headache, I'd be all cross and wouldn't enjoy it! Douglas Adams
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My absolute favourite piece of information is the fact that young sloths are so inept that they frequently grab their own arms and legs instead of tree limbs, and fall out of trees. Douglas Adams
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You just come along with me and have a good time. The Galaxy's a fun place. You'll need to have this fish in your ear. Douglas Adams
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Looking up into the night sky is looking into infinity - distance is incomprehensible and therefore meaningless Douglas Adams
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The light was only just visible - except of course that there was no one to see, no witnesses, not this time, but it was nevertheless a light. Douglas Adams
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I am terribly proud of-I was born in Cambridge in 1952 and my initials are DNA! Douglas Adams
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Fifteen years was a long time to be stranded anywhere, particularly somewhere as mind-boggingly dull as Earth. Douglas Adams
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Your God person puts an apple tree in the middle of a garden and says, do what you like, guys, oh, but don't eat the apple. Surprise surprise, they eat it and he leaps out from behind a bush shouting "Gotcha". It wouldn't have made any difference if they hadn't eaten it.' 'Why not?' 'Because if you're dealing with somebody who has the sort of mentality which likes leaving hats on the pavement with bricks under them you know perfectly well they won't give up. They'll get you in the end. Douglas Adams
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Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars etc., and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons. Douglas Adams
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God is no longer an explanation of anything, but has instead become something that would itself need an insurmountable amount of explaining. Douglas Adams
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I think all cats are wild. They only act tame if there's a saucer of milk in it for them. Douglas Adams
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You can't possibly be a scientist if you mind people thinking that you're a fool. Douglas Adams
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If everyone knew exactly what I was going to say, then there would be no point in my saying it, would there? Douglas Adams
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There is no point in using the word 'impossible' to describe something that has clearly happened. Douglas Adams
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Not unnaturally, many elevators imbued with intelligence and precognition became terribly frustrated with the mindless business of going up and down, up and down, experimented briefly with the notion of going sideways, as a sort of existential protest, demanded participation in the decision-making process and finally took to squatting in basements sulking. An impoverished hitch-hiker visiting any planets in the Sirius star system these days can pick up easy money working as a counsellor for neurotic elevators. Douglas Adams
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A life that is burdened with expectations is a heavy life. Its fruit is sorrow and disappointment. Douglas Adams
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Dennis Hutch had stepped up into the top seat when its founder had died of a lethal overdose of brick wall, taken while under the influence of a Ferrari and a bottle of tequila. Douglas Adams
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The waiter approached. 'Would you like to see the menu?' he said. 'Or would you like to meet the Dish of the Day?' 'Huh?' said Ford. 'Huh?' said Arthur. 'Huh?' said Trillian. 'That's cool,' said Zaphod. 'We'll meet the meat. Douglas Adams
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The difference between us and a computer is that, the computer is blindingly stupid, but it is capable of being stupid many, many million times a second. Douglas Adams
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Gordon Way's astonishment at being suddenly shot dead was nothing compared to his astonishment at what happened next. Douglas Adams
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And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before-and thus was the Empire forged. Douglas Adams
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There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened. Douglas Adams
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If somebody thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves. Douglas Adams
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I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons. Douglas Adams
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Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. Douglas Adams
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Generally, old media don't die. They just have to grow old gracefully. Guess what, we still have stone masons. They haven't been the primary purveyors of the written word for a while now of course, but they still have a role because you wouldn't want a TV screen on your headstone. Douglas Adams
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Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea. Douglas Adams
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If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now. Douglas Adams
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42 is a nice number that you can take home and introduce to your family. Douglas Adams
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Most of the time spent wrestling with technologies that don't quite work yet is just not worth it for end users, however much fun it is for nerds. Douglas Adams
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The usual people tried to claim responsibility. First the IRA , then the PLO and the Gas Board. Even British Nuclear Fuels rushed out a statement to the effect that the situation was completely under control, that it was a one in a million chance, that there was hardly any radioactive leakage at all, and that the site of the explosion would make a nice location for a day out with the kids and a picnic, before finally having to admit that it wasn't actually anything to do with them at all. Douglas Adams
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High on a rocky promontory sat an Electric Monk on a bored horse. Douglas Adams
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And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, a girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything. Douglas Adams
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What was the self-sacrifice?" I jettisoned half of a much-loved and I think irreplaceable pair of shoes." Why was that self-sacrifice?" Because they were mine!" said Ford, crossly. I think we have different value systems." Well mine's better. Douglas Adams
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Everybody has their moment of great opportunity in life. If you happen to miss the one you care about, then everything else becomes eerily easy. Douglas Adams
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The air was stifling, but he liked it because it was stifling city air, full of excitingly unpleasant smells, dangerous music, and the distant sound of warring police tribes. Douglas Adams
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He almost danced to the fridge, found the three least hairy things in it, put them on a plate and watched them intently for two minutes. Since they made no attempt to move within that time he called them breakfast and ate them. Between them they killed a virulent space disease he'd picked up without knowing it in the Flargathon Gas Swamps a few days earlier, which otherwise would have killed off half the population of the Western Hemisphere, blinded the other half, and driven everyone else psychotic and sterile, so the Earth was lucky there. Douglas Adams
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Anything that thinks logically can be fooled by something else that thinks at least as logically as it does. Douglas Adams
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Nobody likes a whistler, particularly not the divinity that shapes our ends. Douglas Adams
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So the hours are pretty good then?' he resumed. The Vogon stared down at him as sluggish thoughts moiled around in the murky depths. Yeah,' he said, 'but now you come to mention it, most of the actual minutes are pretty lousy. Douglas Adams
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David Attenborough has said that Bali is the most beautiful place in the world, but he must have been there longer than we were, and seen different bits, because most of what we saw in the couple of days we were there sorting out our travel arrangements was awful. It was just the tourist area, i.e., that part of Bali which has been made almost exactly the same as everywhere else in the world for the sake of people who have come all this way to see Bali. Douglas Adams
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Zaphod felt he was teetering on the edge of madness and wondered if he shouldn't just jump over and have done with it. Douglas Adams
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It's the story of my life. You see, the quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead. Now, as you look through this document you'll see that I've underlined all the major decisions I ever made to make the stand out. They're all indexed and cross-referenced. See? All I can suggest is that if you take decisions that are exactly opposite to the sort of decisions that I've taken, then maybe you won't finish up at the end of your life" -she paused, and filled her lungs for a good should-"in a smelly old cave like this! Douglas Adams
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Ford... you're turning into a penguin. Stop it. Douglas Adams
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Let the past hold on to itself and let the present move forward into the future. Douglas Adams
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My universe is my eyes and my ears. Anything else is hearsay. Douglas Adams
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Anything that happens, happens. Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen. Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again. It does' necessarily do it in chronological order, though. Douglas Adams
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The gorillas are not yet sufficiently advanced in evolutionary terms to have discovered the benefits of passports, currency-declaration forms, and official bribery, and therefore tend to wander backward and forward across the border as and when their beastly, primitive whim takes them. Douglas Adams
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I can see we're in for a fabulous evening's apocalypse. Douglas Adams
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A learning experience is one of those things that say, You know that thing you just did? Don't do that. Douglas Adams
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You would probably not say that he was sleeping the sleep of the just, unless you meant the just asleep, but it was certainly the sleep of someone who was not fooling about when he climbed into bed of a night and turned off the light. Douglas Adams
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