Douglas Adams Quotes & Wallpapers

Douglas Adams
Total Quotes: 678


Time travel, by its very nature, was invented in all periods of history simultaneously. Douglas Adams
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The dew has fallen with a particularly sickening thud this morning. Douglas Adams
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I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed. Douglas Adams
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...and the Universe, ... will explode later for your pleasure. Douglas Adams
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One of the most important things you learn from the internet is that there is no 'them' out there. It's just an awful lot of 'us'. Douglas Adams
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He had got himself a life. Now he had to find a purpose in it. Douglas Adams
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You may not instantly see why I bring the subject up, but that is because my mind works so phenomenally fast, and I am at a rough estimate thirty billion times more intelligent than you. Let me give you an example. Think of a number, any number." "Er, five," said the mattress. "Wrong," said Marvin. "You see? Douglas Adams
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Numbers written on restaurant bills within the confines of restaurants do not follow the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any other parts of the Universe. This single fact took the scientific world by storm. Douglas Adams
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Life! Don't talk to me about life! Douglas Adams
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Imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, " This is an interesting world I find myself in, an interesting hole I find myself in; fits me rather neatly, doesn't it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well! It must have been made to have me in it! Douglas Adams
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If on the other hand he went to pay his respects to The Door and it wasn't there . . . what then? The answer, of course, was very simple. He had a whole board of circuits for dealing with exactly this problem, in fact this was the very heart of his function. He would continue to believe in it whatever the facts turned out to be, what else was the meaning of Belief? The Door would still be there, even if the Door was not. Douglas Adams
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Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of. Douglas Adams
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It startled him even more when just after he was awarded the Galactic Institute's Prize for Extreme Cleverness he got lynched by a rampaging mob of respectable physicists who had finally realized that the one thing they really couldn't stand was a smart-ass. Douglas Adams
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On the delivery plate of the Nutri-Matic Drink Synthesizer was a small tray, on which say three bone china cups and saucers, a bone china jug of milk, a silver teapot full of the best tea Arthur had ever tasted and a small printed note saying "Wait. Douglas Adams
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One always overcompensates for disabilities. I'm thinking of having my entire body surgically removed. Douglas Adams
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People will then often say, 'But surely it's better to remain an Agnostic just in case?' This, to me, suggests such a level of silliness and muddle that I usually edge out of the conversation rather than get sucked into it. (If it turns out that I've been wrong all along, and there is in fact a god, and if it further turned out that this kind of legalistic, cross-your-fingers-behind-your-back, Clintonian hair-splitting impressed him, then I think I would choose not to worship him anyway.) Douglas Adams
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2,000 years ago one man got nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be if everyone was nice to each other for a change. Douglas Adams
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If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action. Douglas Adams
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If somebody votes for a party that you don't agree with, you're free to argue about it as much as you like. ... But on the other hand, if somebody says, 'I mustn't move a light switch on a Saturday,' you say, 'Fine, I respect that.' Douglas Adams
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"I refuse to prove that I exist" says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith, I am nothing." "Oh," says man, "but the Babel Fish is a dead give-away, isn't it? It proves You exist, and so therefore You don't. Q.E.D." "Oh, I hadn't thought of that," says God, who promptly vanishes in a puff of logic. Douglas Adams
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Nobody got murdered before lunch. But nobody. People weren't up to it. You needed a good lunch to get both the blood-sugar and blood-lust levels up. Douglas Adams
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Don't blame you," said Marvin and counted five hundred and ninety-seven thousand million sheep before falling asleep again a second later. Douglas Adams
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To Trin Tragula's horror, the shock completely annihilated her brain; but to his satisfaction he realized that he had proved conclusively that if life is going to exist in a Universe of this size, then the one thing it cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion. Douglas Adams
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There are some people you like immediately, some whom you think you might learn to like in the fullness of time, and some that you simply want to push away from you with a sharp stick. Douglas Adams
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The only moral it is possible to draw from this story is that one should never throw the Q letter into a privet bush, but unfortunately there are times when it is unavoidable. Douglas Adams
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It is worth repeating at this point the theories that Ford had come up with, on his first encounter with human beings, to account for their peculiar habit of continually stating and restating the very very obvious, as in "It's a nice day," or "You're very tall," or "So this is it, we're going to die." His first theory was that if human beings didn't keep exercising their lips, their mouths probably shriveled up. After a few months of observation he had come up with a second theory, which was this-"If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their brains start working. Douglas Adams
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I'm so great even I get tongue-tied talking to myself. Douglas Adams
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The reason why so many sects hang around airports looking for converts: they know that people there are at their most vulnerable and perplexed, and ready to accept any kind of guidance. Douglas Adams
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Yes it is,' said the Professor. 'Wait-' he motioned to Richard, who was about to go out again and investigate- 'let it be. It won't be long.' Richard stared in disbelief. 'You say there's a horse in your bathroom, and all you can do is stand there naming Beatles songs?' The Professor looked blankly at him. Douglas Adams
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He actually caught himself saying things like "Yippee," as he pranced ridiculously round the house. Douglas Adams
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If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands. Douglas Adams
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It is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it... anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. Douglas Adams
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This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays. Douglas Adams
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He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot. Douglas Adams
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We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem. Douglas Adams
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The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armor to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who, by peddling second-rate technology, led them into it in the first place. Douglas Adams
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You know," said Arthur, "it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young." "Why, what did she tell you?" "I don't know, I didn't listen. Douglas Adams
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I think media are at their most interesting before anybody's thought of calling them art, when people still think they're just a load of junk. Douglas Adams
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Ford carried on counting quietly. This is about the most aggressive thing you can do to a computer, the equivalent of going up to a human being and saying "Blood...blood...blood...blood... Douglas Adams
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Insofar as she recognized at all that she was dreaming, she realized that she must be exploring her subconscious mind. She had heard it said that humans are supposed only to use about a tenth of their brains, and that no one was really clear what the other nine tenths were for, but she had certainly never heard it suggested that they were used for storing penguins. Douglas Adams
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We can't win against obsession. They care, we don't. They win. Douglas Adams
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He felt a spasm of excitement because he knew instinctively who it was, or at least knew who it was he wanted it to be, and once you know what it is you want to be true, instinct is a very useful device for enabling you to know that it is. Douglas Adams
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The quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead. Douglas Adams
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You ARE Zaphod Beeblebrox?' 'Yeah,' said Zaphod, 'but don't shout it out or they'll all want one.' 'THE Zaphod Beeblebrox?' 'No, just A Zaphod Beeblebrox, didn't you hear I come in six packs?' 'But sir,' it squealed, 'I just heard on the sub-ether radio report. It said you were dead...' 'Yeah, that's right, I just haven't stopped moving yet. Douglas Adams
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Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now. Douglas Adams
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The problem is, or rather one of the problems, for there are many, a sizeable proportion of which are continually clogging up the civil, commercial, and criminal courts in all areas of the Galaxy, and especially, where possible, the more corrupt ones, this. The previous sentence makes sense. That is not the problem. This is: Change. Read it through again and you'll get it. Douglas Adams
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I like the cover," he said. "Don't Panic. It's the first helpful or intelligible thing anybody's said to me all day. Douglas Adams
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Even the evil-looking bird perched on a rod in the bar had stopped screeching out the names and addresses of local contract killers, which was a service it provided for free. Douglas Adams
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Goosnargh," said Ford Prefect, which was a special Betelgeusian word he used when he knew he should say something but didn't know what it should be. Douglas Adams
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Despite the fact that an Indonesian island chicken has probably had a much more natural life than one raised on a battery farm in England, people who wouldn't think twice about buying something oven-ready become much more upset about a chicken that they've been on a boat with, so there is probably buried in the Western psyche a deep taboo about eating anything you've been introduced to socially. Douglas Adams
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Why should I want to make anything up? Life's bad enough as it is without wanting to invent any more of it. Douglas Adams
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Just supposing," he said, "just supposing" -he didn't know what was coming next, so he thought he'd just sit back and listen-"that there was some extraordinary way in which you were very important to me, and that, though you didn't know it, I was very important to you, but it all went for nothing because we only had five miles and I was a stupid idiot at knowing how to say something very important to someone I've only just met and not crash into lorries a the same time, what would you say..." He paused, helplessly, and looked at her. "I should do. Douglas Adams
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You come to me for advice, but you can't cope with anything you don't recognize. Hmmm. So we'll have to tell you something you already know but make it sound like news, eh Well, business as usual , I suppose. Douglas Adams
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Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen. Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer. Douglas Adams
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How many roads must a man walk down? Douglas Adams
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There is another theory that states: This has already happened .... Douglas Adams
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The bird that would soar above the plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings. Douglas Adams
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The Guide says there is an art to flying", said Ford, "or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Douglas Adams
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I have detected disturbances in the wash.' 'The wash?' 'The space-time wash.' 'Are we talking about some sort of Vogon laundromat, or what are we talking about?' 'Eddies in the space-time continuum.' 'Ah...is he. Is he.' 'What?' 'Er, who is Eddy, then, exactly? Douglas Adams
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Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple.' Ah, well, I'm not sure I believe that. Douglas Adams
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I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer Douglas Adams
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You are disoriented. Blackness swims toward you like a school of eels who have just seen something that eels like a lot. Douglas Adams
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The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he, by peddling second rate technology, led them into it in the first place, and continues to do so today. Douglas Adams
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We don't have to save the world. The world is big enough to look after itself. What we have to be concerned about is whether or not the world we live in will be capable of sustaining us in it. Douglas Adams
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AALST (n.) One who changes his name to be further to the front Douglas Adams
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FAIRYMOUNT (vb. n.) Polite word for buggery. Douglas Adams
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The teacher usually learns more than the pupils. Isn't that true? It would be hard to learn much less than my pupils, came a low growl from somewhere on the table, without undergoing a pre-frontal lobotomy. Douglas Adams
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My name is Kate Schechter. Two 'c's, two 'h's, two 'e's, and also a 't', an 'r', and an 's'. Provided they're all there the bank won't be fussy about the order they come in, they never seem to know themselves. Douglas Adams
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The Great Zaganza said: You are very fat and stupid and persistently wear a ridiculous hat which you should be ashamed of. Douglas Adams
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Yes, it was an act of God. But which God? Douglas Adams
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