Douglas Adams Quotes & Wallpapers

Douglas Adams
Total Quotes: 678


The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79. Douglas Adams
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As a result of all this hardship, dirt, thirst, and wombats, you would expect Australians to be a dour lot. Instead, they are genial, jolly, cheerful, and always willing to share a kind word with a stranger, unless they are an American. Douglas Adams
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It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression "As pretty as an airport." Airports are ugly. Some are very ugly. Some attain a degree of ugliness that can only be the result of a special effort. This ugliness arises because airports are full of people who are tired, cross, and have just discovered that their luggage has landed in Murmansk (Murmansk airport is the only exception of this otherwise infallible rule), and architects have on the whole tried to reflect this in their designs. Douglas Adams
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The more I think about our species the more I think we just do stuff and make up explanations later when asked. But it's not true that I would rather write than read. I would rather read than write. To be honest I would rather hang upside down in a bucket than write. Douglas Adams
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The teacher usually learns more than the pupils. Isn't that true? "It would be hard to learn much less than my pupils," came a low growl from somewhere on the table, "without undergoing a pre-frontal lobotomy." Douglas Adams
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I don't say that I don't believe in God because that implies that there is a God for me not to believe in. Douglas Adams
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One of the most important things you learn from the internet is that there is no "them" out there. It's just an awful lot of "us". Douglas Adams
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We live in strange times. We also live in strange places: each in a universe of our own. The people with whom we populate our universes are the shadows of whole other universes intersecting with our own. Being able to glance out into this bewildering complexity of infinite recursion and say things like, 'Oh, hi, Ed! Nice tan. How's Carol?' involves a great deal of filtering skill for which all conscious entities have eventually to develop a capacity in order to protect themselves from the contemplation of the chaos through which they seethe and tumble. Douglas Adams
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One of the major problems encountered in time travel is not that of accidentally becoming your own father or mother. There is no problem involved in becoming your own father or mother that a broadminded and well-adjusted family can't cope with. Douglas Adams
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Yes, I think I use the term radical rather loosely, just for emphasis. If you describe yourself as atheist some people will say, Don't you mean agnostic? I have to reply that I really do mean atheist, I really do not believe that there is a god; in fact, I am convinced that there is not a god (a subtle difference). I see not a shred of evidence to suggest that there is one...etc., etc. It's easier to say that I am a radical atheist, just to signal that I really mean it, have thought about it a great deal and that it's an opinion I hold seriously. Douglas Adams
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It was none the less a perfectly ordinary horse, such as convergent evolution has produced in many of the places that life is to be found. They have always understood a great deal more than they let on. It is difficult to be sat on all day, every day, by some other creature, without forming an opinion about them. Douglas Adams
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... The truth of the matter is, that most English people don't know how to make tea anymore either, and most people drink cheap instant coffee instead, which is a pity, and gives Americans the impression that the English are just generally clueless about hot stimulants. Douglas Adams
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Well the hours are good...' ... 'but now you come to mention it, most of the actual minutes are pretty lousy. Douglas Adams
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The only thing nicer than a phone that didn't ring all the time (or indeed at all) was six phones that didn't ring all the time (or indeed at all). Douglas Adams
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One is never alone with a rubber duck. Douglas Adams
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What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water! Douglas Adams
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Did I do anything wrong today," he said, "or has the world always been like this and I've been too wrapped up in myself to notice? Douglas Adams
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Exactly!" said Deep Thought. "So once you do know what the question actually is, you'll know what the answer means. Douglas Adams
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First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII - and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure. Douglas Adams
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and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere ... and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys. Douglas Adams
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Their minds sang with the ecstatic knowledge that either what they were doing was completely and utterly and totally impossible or that physics had a lot of catching up to do. Douglas Adams
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The little waiter's eyebrows wandered about his forehead in confusion. Douglas Adams
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And the most interesting natural structure? A giant, two-thousand-mile-long fish in orbit around Jupiter, according to a reliable report in the Weekly World News. The photograph was very convincing, and I'm only surprised that more-reputable journals like New Scientist, or even just The Sun, haven't followed up with more details. We should be told. Douglas Adams
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Unfortunately this Electric Monk had developed a fault, and had started to believe all kinds of things, more or less at random. It was even beginning to believe things they'd have difficulty believing in Salt Lake City. Douglas Adams
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Let us be dreamers, thinkers, speculative philosophers, or as our spouses would have it: Idiots Douglas Adams
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I come in peace...Take me to your lizard. Douglas Adams
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I wrote an ad for Apple Computer: "Macintosh - We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end". Douglas Adams
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There was a terribly ghastly silence. There was a terribly ghastly noise. There was a terribly ghastly silence. Douglas Adams
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There was one planet off in the seventh dimension that got used as a ball in a game of intergalactic bar billiards. Got potted straight into a black hole. Douglas Adams
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Ford looked at him severely. And no sneaky knocking down Mr Dent's house whilst he's away, alright?" he said. The mere thought," growled Mr Prosser, "hadn't even begun to speculate," he continued, settling himself back, "about the merest possibility of crossing my mind. Douglas Adams
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I find the whole business of religion profoundly interesting. But it does mystify me that otherwise intelligent people take it seriously. Douglas Adams
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And wow! Hey! What's this thing coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding word like... ow... ound... round... ground! That's it! That's a good name - ground! I wonder if it will be friends with me? Douglas Adams
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Space is really big-REALLY big. Douglas Adams
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Plenty of people did not care for him much, but then there is a huge difference between disliking somebody - maybe even disliking them a lot - and actually shooting them, strangling them, dragging them through the fields and setting their house on fire. Douglas Adams
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In cases of major discrepancy its always reality thats got it wrong ... reality is frequently inaccurate. Douglas Adams
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The kakapo is a bird out of time. If you look one in its large, round, greeny-brown face, it has a look of serenely innocent incomprehension that makes you want to hug it and tell it that everything will be all right, thought you know that it probably will not be. Douglas Adams
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He had a tremendous propensity for getting lost when driving. This was largely because of his method of "Zen" navigation, which was simply to find any car that looked as if it knew where it was going and follow it. The results were more often surprising than successful, but he felt it was worth it for the sake of the few occasions when it was both. Douglas Adams
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Listen, three eyes," he said, "don't you try to outweird me, I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal. Douglas Adams
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He was a man who was charged with the work he did in life because he was not one to ask questions - not so much on account of any natural quality of discretion as because he simply could never think of any questions to ask. ... On the strength of which he had guaranteed himself regular employment for as long as he cared to live. Douglas Adams
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I have always been absurdly, ridiculously tall. To give you an idea- when we went on school trips to Interesting and Improving Places, the form-master wouldn't say "Meet under the clock tower," or "Meet under the War Memorial," but "Meet under Adams. Douglas Adams
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The fact is, I don't know where my ideas come from. Nor does any writer. The only real answer is to drink way too much coffee and buy yourself a desk that doesn't collapse when you beat your head against it. Douglas Adams
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God's Final Message to His Creation: 'We apologize for the inconvenience. Douglas Adams
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[The Head of Radio Three] had been ensnared by the Music Director of the college and a Professor of Philosophy. These two were busy explaining to the harassed man that the phrase "too much Mozart" was, given any reasonable definition of those three words, an inherently self-contradictory expression, and that any sentence which contained such a phrase would be thereby rendered meaningless and could not, consequently, be advanced as part of an argument in favour of any given programme-scheduling strategy. Douglas Adams
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The Electric Monk was a labour-saving device, like a dishwasher or a video recorder... Electric Monks believed things for you, thus saving you what was becoming an increasingly onerous task, that of believing all the things the world expected you to believe. Douglas Adams
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Yes, it is true that sometimes unusually intelligent and sensitive children can appear to be stupid. But stupid children can sometimes appear to be stupid as well. I think that's something you might have to consider. Douglas Adams
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People who need to bully you are the easiest to push around. Douglas Adams
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But what about the End of the Universe? We'll miss the big moment." I've seen it. It's rubbish," said Zaphod,"nothing but a gnab gib." A what?" Opposite of a big bang. Come on, let's get zappy. Douglas Adams
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It all sounds rather naive and sentimental to be talking about children laughing and dancing and singing together when we all know perfectly well that what children do in real life is snarl and take drugs. Douglas Adams
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I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be. Douglas Adams
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In order to fly, all one must do is simply miss the ground. Douglas Adams
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I don't believe it. Prove it to me and I still won't believe it. Douglas Adams
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The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate. Douglas Adams
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Zaphod Beeblebrox, adventurer, ex-hippie, good-timer (crook? quite possibly), manic self-publicist, terrible bad at personal relationships, often thought to be completely out to lunch. Douglas Adams
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And so the Universe ended. Douglas Adams
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A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that. Douglas Adams
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Moving from radio to television, you can take most of the words with you. Douglas Adams
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A fragrant breeze wandered up from the quiet sea, trailed along the beach, and drifted back to the sea again, wondering where to go next. On a mad impulse it went up to the beach again. It drifted back to sea. Douglas Adams
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Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence. Douglas Adams
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The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted as a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersault through a hoop whilst whistling the 'Star Spangled Banner', but in fact the message was this: So long and thanks for all the fish. Douglas Adams
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The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick. Douglas Adams
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What god would be hanging around Terminal Two of Heathrow Airport trying to catch the 15:37 flight to Oslo? Douglas Adams
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Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow pizza. Douglas Adams
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Being literate as a writer is good craft, is knowing your job, is knowing how to use your tools properly and not to damage the tools as you use them. Douglas Adams
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The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks. Douglas Adams
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I rarely end up where I was intending to go, but often I end up somewhere I needed to be. Douglas Adams
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There was constant talk about hewing things and ravaging things and splitting things asunder. Lots of big talk of things being mighty, and of things being riven, and of things being in thrall to other things, but very little attention given, as I now realise, to the laundry. Douglas Adams
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... Most of the words that airline staff used, or rather most of the sentences into which they were habitually arranged, had been worked so hard that they had died. Douglas Adams
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Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much... the wheel, New York, wars, and so on, whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely the dolphins believed themselves to be more intelligent than man for precisely the same reasons. Douglas Adams
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I don't like the idea of missionaries. In fact, the whole business fills me with fear and alarm. I don't believe in God, or at least not in the one we've invented for ourselves in England to fulfill our peculiarly English needs, and certainly not in the ones they've invented in America who supply their servants with toupees, television stations and, most importantly, toll-free telephone numbers. I wish that people who did believe in such things would keep them to themselves and not export them to the developing world. Douglas Adams
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There is a piece of me that likes to fondly imagine my maverick and rebellious nature, but, more accurately, I like to have a nice and cosy institution that I can rub up against a little bit. Douglas Adams
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