Douglas Adams Quotes & Wallpapers

Douglas Adams
Total Quotes: 678


Exactly!" said Deep Thought. "So once you do know what the question actually is, you'll know what the answer means. Douglas Adams

First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII - and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure. Douglas Adams

and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere ... and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys. Douglas Adams

R is a velocity of measure, defined as a reasonable speed of travel that is consistent with health, mental well-being, and not being more than, say, five minutes late. It is therefore clearly as almost infinite variable figure according to circumstances, since the first two factors vary not only with speed as an absolute, but also with awareness of the third factor. Unless handled with tranquility, this equation can result in considerable stress, ulcers, and even death. Douglas Adams

There's always a moment when you start to fall out of love, whether it's with a person or an idea or a cause, even if it's one you only narrate to yourself years after the event: a tiny thing, a wrong word, a false note, which means that things can never be quite the same again. Douglas Adams

Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game. Douglas Adams

My own strategy is to find a car, or the nearest equivalent, which looks as if it knows where it's going and follow it. I rarely end up where I was intending to go, but often I end up somewhere I needed to be. Douglas Adams

Stomp stomp. Whirr. Pleased to be of service. Shut up. Thank you. Stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. Whirr. Thank you for making a simple door very happy. Hope your diodes rot. Thank you. Have a nice day. Stomp stomp stomp stomp. Whirr. It is my pleasure to open for you... Zark off. ...and my satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done. I said zark off. Thank you for listening to this message. Douglas Adams

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Douglas Adams

Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space. Douglas Adams

Time is bunk. Douglas Adams

One is never alone with a rubber duck. Douglas Adams

What's so unpleasant about being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water! Douglas Adams

When you're cruising down the road in the fast lane and you lazily sail past a few hard-driving cars and are feeling pretty pleased with yourself and then accidently change down from fourth to first instead of third thus making your engine leap out of your hood in a rather ugly mess, it tends to throw you off stride in much the same way that this remark threw Ford Prefect off his. Douglas Adams

Don't you understand that we need to be childish in order to understand? Only a child sees things with perfect clarity, because it hasn't developed all those filters which prevent us from seeing things that we don't expect to see. Douglas Adams

I teleported home last night with Ron and Sid and Meg Ron stole Meggy's heart away and I got Sidney's leg. Douglas Adams

Rather than arriving five hours late and flustered, it would be better all around if he were to arrive five hours and a few extra minutes late, but triumphantly in command. Douglas Adams

I am a private detective. I am paid to be inquisitive and presumptuous. Douglas Adams

You cannot see what I see because you see what you see. You cannot know what I know because you know what you know. What I see and what I know cannot be added to what you see and what you know because they are not of the same kind. Neither can it replace what you see and what you know, because that would be to replace you yourself." "Hang on, can I write this down?" said Arthur, excitedly fumbling in his pocket for a pencil. Douglas Adams

The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 79. Douglas Adams

Their minds sang with the ecstatic knowledge that either what they were doing was completely and utterly and totally impossible or that physics had a lot of catching up to do. Douglas Adams

What god would be hanging around Terminal Two of Heathrow Airport trying to catch the 15:37 flight to Oslo? Douglas Adams

A computer chatted to itself in alarm as it noticed an airlock open and close itself for no apparent reason. This was because Reason was in fact out to lunch. Douglas Adams

He was a man who was charged with the work he did in life because he was not one to ask questions - not so much on account of any natural quality of discretion as because he simply could never think of any questions to ask. ... On the strength of which he had guaranteed himself regular employment for as long as he cared to live. Douglas Adams

I have always been absurdly, ridiculously tall. To give you an idea- when we went on school trips to Interesting and Improving Places, the form-master wouldn't say "Meet under the clock tower," or "Meet under the War Memorial," but "Meet under Adams. Douglas Adams

The fact is, I don't know where my ideas come from. Nor does any writer. The only real answer is to drink way too much coffee and buy yourself a desk that doesn't collapse when you beat your head against it. Douglas Adams

Being literate as a writer is good craft, is knowing your job, is knowing how to use your tools properly and not to damage the tools as you use them. Douglas Adams

The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it which the merely improbable lacks. Douglas Adams

The little waiter's eyebrows wandered about his forehead in confusion. Douglas Adams

And the most interesting natural structure? A giant, two-thousand-mile-long fish in orbit around Jupiter, according to a reliable report in the Weekly World News. The photograph was very convincing, and I'm only surprised that more-reputable journals like New Scientist, or even just The Sun, haven't followed up with more details. We should be told. Douglas Adams

Unfortunately this Electric Monk had developed a fault, and had started to believe all kinds of things, more or less at random. It was even beginning to believe things they'd have difficulty believing in Salt Lake City. Douglas Adams

Let us be dreamers, thinkers, speculative philosophers, or as our spouses would have it: Idiots Douglas Adams

I come in peace...Take me to your lizard. Douglas Adams

I wrote an ad for Apple Computer: "Macintosh - We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end". Douglas Adams

There was a terribly ghastly silence. There was a terribly ghastly noise. There was a terribly ghastly silence. Douglas Adams

There was one planet off in the seventh dimension that got used as a ball in a game of intergalactic bar billiards. Got potted straight into a black hole. Douglas Adams

A mobile phone needs a manual in the way that a teacup doesn't Douglas Adams

The kakapo is a bird out of time. If you look one in its large, round, greeny-brown face, it has a look of serenely innocent incomprehension that makes you want to hug it and tell it that everything will be all right, thought you know that it probably will not be. Douglas Adams

He had a tremendous propensity for getting lost when driving. This was largely because of his method of "Zen" navigation, which was simply to find any car that looked as if it knew where it was going and follow it. The results were more often surprising than successful, but he felt it was worth it for the sake of the few occasions when it was both. Douglas Adams

Listen, three eyes," he said, "don't you try to outweird me, I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal. Douglas Adams

Come on," he droned, "I"ve been ordered to take you down to the bridge. Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to take you down to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? "Cos I do'." He turned and walked back to the hated door. "Er, excuse me," said Ford following after him, "which government owns this ship?" Marvin ignored him. "You watch this door," he muttered, "it's about to open again. I can tell by the intolerable air of smugness it suddenly generates. Douglas Adams

Ford looked at him severely. And no sneaky knocking down Mr Dent's house whilst he's away, alright?" he said. The mere thought," growled Mr Prosser, "hadn't even begun to speculate," he continued, settling himself back, "about the merest possibility of crossing my mind. Douglas Adams

I find the whole business of religion profoundly interesting. But it does mystify me that otherwise intelligent people take it seriously. Douglas Adams

And wow! Hey! What's this thing coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding word like... ow... ound... round... ground! That's it! That's a good name - ground! I wonder if it will be friends with me? Douglas Adams

Space is really big-REALLY big. Douglas Adams

In cases of major discrepancy its always reality thats got it wrong ... reality is frequently inaccurate. Douglas Adams

Plenty of people did not care for him much, but then there is a huge difference between disliking somebody - maybe even disliking them a lot - and actually shooting them, strangling them, dragging them through the fields and setting their house on fire. Douglas Adams

Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow pizza. Douglas Adams

And so the problem remained; lots of people were mean, and most were miserable, even the ones with digital watches. Douglas Adams

I don't like the idea of missionaries. In fact, the whole business fills me with fear and alarm. I don't believe in God, or at least not in the one we've invented for ourselves in England to fulfill our peculiarly English needs, and certainly not in the ones they've invented in America who supply their servants with toupees, television stations and, most importantly, toll-free telephone numbers. I wish that people who did believe in such things would keep them to themselves and not export them to the developing world. Douglas Adams

There is a piece of me that likes to fondly imagine my maverick and rebellious nature, but, more accurately, I like to have a nice and cosy institution that I can rub up against a little bit. Douglas Adams

The hardest assumption to challenge is the one you don't even know you are making. Douglas Adams

Democracy is all about not electing the wrong man-eating lizard. Douglas Adams

The books people are writing today, they're too long. You get a little bit of plot, and then pages and pages of Creative Writing. They teach classes in how to do this. They should teach classes in how to stop! Douglas Adams

Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much... the wheel, New York, wars, and so on, whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely the dolphins believed themselves to be more intelligent than man for precisely the same reasons. Douglas Adams

I rarely end up where I was intending to go, but often I end up somewhere I needed to be. Douglas Adams

There was constant talk about hewing things and ravaging things and splitting things asunder. Lots of big talk of things being mighty, and of things being riven, and of things being in thrall to other things, but very little attention given, as I now realise, to the laundry. Douglas Adams

... Most of the words that airline staff used, or rather most of the sentences into which they were habitually arranged, had been worked so hard that they had died. Douglas Adams

The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick. Douglas Adams

The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be. Douglas Adams

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner. Douglas Adams

Capital Letters Were Always The Best Way Of Dealing With Things You Didn't Have A Good Answer To. Douglas Adams

Zaphod Beeblebrox, adventurer, ex-hippie, good-timer (crook? quite possibly), manic self-publicist, terrible bad at personal relationships, often thought to be completely out to lunch. Douglas Adams

And so the Universe ended. Douglas Adams

A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that. Douglas Adams

Moving from radio to television, you can take most of the words with you. Douglas Adams

A fragrant breeze wandered up from the quiet sea, trailed along the beach, and drifted back to the sea again, wondering where to go next. On a mad impulse it went up to the beach again. It drifted back to sea. Douglas Adams

Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence. Douglas Adams

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be. Douglas Adams

In order to fly, all one must do is simply miss the ground. Douglas Adams



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