Douglas Adams Quotes & Wallpapers

Douglas Adams
Total Quotes: 678


Even a manically depressed robot is better to talk to than nobody. Douglas Adams
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The complexities of cause and effect defy analysis. Douglas Adams
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It was his subconscious which told him this-that infuriating part of a person's brain which never responds to interrogation, merely gives little meaningful nudges and then sits humming quietly to itself, saying nothing. Douglas Adams
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The lights were off so that his heads could avoid looking at each other because neither of them was currently a particular engaging sight, nor had they been since he had made the error of looking into his soul. It had indeed been an error. It had been late one night- of course. It had been a difficult day- of course. There had been soulful music playing on the ship's sound system- of course. And he had, of course, been slightly drunk. In other words, all the usual conditions that bring on a bout of soul searching had applied, but it had, nevertheless, clearly been an error. Douglas Adams
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Life... is like a grapefruit. Well, it's sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It's got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for breakfast. Douglas Adams
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It is most gratifying," it said, "that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated, and so we would like to assure you that the guided missiles currently converging with your ship are part of a special service we extend to all of our most enthusiastic clients, and the fully armed nuclear warheads are of course merely a courtesy detail. We look forward to your custom in future lives ... thank you. Douglas Adams
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Really, the moment you have any idea, the second thought that enters your mind after the original idea is, "What is this? Is it a book, is it a movie, is it a this, is it a that, is it a short story, is it a breakfast cereal?" Really, from that moment, your decision about what kind of thing it is then determines how it develops. Douglas Adams
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My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes. Douglas Adams
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This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy. Douglas Adams
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We're not obsessed by anything, you see," insisted Ford. "..." "And that's the deciding factor. We can't win against obsession. They care, we don't. They win." "I care about lots of things," said Slartibartfast, his voice trembling partly with annoyance, but partly also with uncertainty. "Such as?" "Well," said the old man, "life, the Universe. Everything, really. Fjords." "Would you die for them?" "Fjords?" blinked Slartibartfast in surprise. "No." "Well then." "Wouldn't see the point, to be honest. Douglas Adams
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He stood up straight and looked the world squarely in the fields and hills. To add weight to his words he stuck the rabbit bone in his hair. He spread his arm out wide. "I will go mad!" he annouced. Douglas Adams
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All through my life I've had this strange unaccountable feeling that something was going on in the world, something big, even sinister, and no one would tell me what it was." "No," said the old man, "that's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the Universe has that. Douglas Adams
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Mr L Prosser was, as they say, only human. In other words he was a carbon-based life form descended from an ape. More specifically he was forty, fat and shabby and worked for the local council. Curiously enough, though he didn't know it, he was also a direct male-line descendant of Genghis Khan, though intervening generations and racial mixing had so juggled his genes that he had no discernible Mongoloid characteristics, and the only vestiges left in Mr L Prosser of his mighty ancestry were a pronounced stoutness about the tum and a predilection for little fur hats. Douglas Adams
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I only know as much about myself as my mind can work out under its current conditions. And its current conditions are not good. Douglas Adams
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What's up?" [asked Ford.] I don't know," said Marvin, "I've never been there. Douglas Adams
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The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy offers this definition of the word "Infinite". Infinite: Bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some. Much bigger than that in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, "wow, that's big", time. Infinity is just so big that by comparison, bigness itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we're trying to get across here. Douglas Adams
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It's reassuring to realize that everybody is as stupid as you are and that all we are doing when we are standing in the kitchen wondering what we came in here for is "woking. Douglas Adams
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Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people from point B are so keen to get there and what's so great about point B that so many people from point A are so keen to get there. They often wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell they wanted to be. Douglas Adams
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The Hollywood process is like trying to grill a steak by having a succession of people coming into the room and breathing on it. Douglas Adams
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I am rarely happier than when spending entire day programming my computer to perform automatically a task that it would otherwise take me a good ten seconds to do by hand. Douglas Adams
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One of the problems of taking things apart and seeing how they work - supposing you're trying to find out how a cat works-you take that cat apart to see how it works, what you've got in your hands is a non-working cat. The cat wasn't a sort of clunky mechanism that was susceptible to our available tools of analysis. Douglas Adams
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There are two things you should remember when dealing with parallel universes. One, they're not really parallel, and two, they're not really universes Douglas Adams
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If you really want to understand something, the best way is to try and explain it to someone else. Douglas Adams
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One of the problems, and it's one which is obviously going to get worse, is that all the people at the party are either the children or the grandchildren or the great-grandchildren of the people who wouldn't leave in the first place, and because of all the business about selective breeding and regressive genes and so on, it means that all the people now at the party are either absolutely fanatical partygoers, or gibbering idiots, or, more and more frequently, both. Douglas Adams
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Who is this god person anyway? Douglas Adams
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I was created to fulfill a function and I failed in it. I negated my own existence. Douglas Adams
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For seven and a half million years, Deep Thought computed and calculated, and in the end announced that the answer was in fact Forty-two - and so another, even bigger, computer had to be built to find out what the actual question was... Douglas Adams
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Obviously somebody had been appallingly incompetent and he hoped to God it wasn't him. Douglas Adams
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What I mean is that if you really want to understand something, the best way is to try and explain it to someone else. That forces you to sort it out in your own mind. And the more slow and dim-witted your pupil, the more you have to break things down into more and more simple ideas. And that's really the essence of programming. By the time you've sorted out a complicated idea into little steps that even a stupid machine can deal with, you've certainly learned something about it yourself. The teacher usually learns more than the pupil. Isn't that true? Douglas Adams
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Only by counting could humans demonstrate their independence of computers. Douglas Adams
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It takes an awful lot of time to not write a book. Douglas Adams
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For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much-the wheel, New York, wars and so on-whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man-for precisely the same reasons. Douglas Adams
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Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all. Douglas Adams
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The car shot forward straight into the circle of light, and suddenly Arthur had a fairly clear idea of what infinity looked like. It wasn't infinity in fact. Infinity itself looks flat and uninteresting. Looking up into the night sky is looking into infinity-distance is incomprehensible and therefore meaningless. The chamber into which the aircar emerged was anything but infinite, it was just very very very big, so big that it gave the impression of infinity far better than infinity itself. Douglas Adams
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Imagine" he said, "never even thinking, 'We are alone,' simply because it has never occurred to you to think that there's any other way to be. Douglas Adams
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Radio did not kill books and television did not kill radio or movies - what television did kill was cinema newsreel. TV does it much better because it can deliver it instantly. Who wants last week's news? Douglas Adams
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I wrote an ad for Apple Computer: Macintosh - We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end. Douglas Adams
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There is an art, or rather a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Douglas Adams
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And wow! Hey! What's this thing coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding word like... ow... ound... round... ground! That's it! That's a good name ? ground! I wonder if it will be friends with me? Douglas Adams
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The Answer to the Great Question Of... Life, the Universe and Everything... [is] Forty-two. Douglas Adams
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The thing that used to worry him most was the fact that people always used to ask him what he was looking so worried about. Douglas Adams
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The mail on the doormat consisted of the usual things: a rude letter threatening to take away his American Express card, an invitation to apply for an American Express card, and a few bills of the more hysterical and unrealistic type. Douglas Adams
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If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favor of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. Douglas Adams
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A suffusion of yellow. (A calculator's response to the question of any math problem with an answer larger than four.) Douglas Adams
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If they do' keep exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working. Douglas Adams
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For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much-the wheel, New York, wars and so on-while all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man-for precisely the same reasons. Douglas Adams
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I have detected disturbances in the wash.The wash?The space-time wash.Are we talking about some sort of Vogon laundromat, or what are we talking about?Eddies in the space-time continuum.Ah...is he. Is he.What?Er, who is Eddy, then, exactly? Douglas Adams
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If you ever find you need help again, you know, if you're in trouble, need a hand out of a corner..." "Yeah?" "Please don't hesitate to get lost. Douglas Adams
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