Bill Cosby Quotes & Wallpapers

Bill Cosby
Total Quotes: 399


My wife stood up in the stirrups, grabbed my bottom lip and said I want morphine! I said But, dear -. She said You shut up! YOU did this to me! And on the next contraction she told everybody in the delivery room that my parents were never married. Bill Cosby
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There's no labor a man can do that's undignified - if he does it right. Bill Cosby
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I'm going OUT... because I DESERVE to go out! And I'm going to get DRUNK... because I DESERVE to get drunk! And get out of my way! Bill Cosby
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A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child. Bill Cosby
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Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language. Bill Cosby
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Repeat after me. I promise not to run outside of the house. I promise not to run inside of the house. I promise not to touch, pick up, step on, anything that looks interesting. Bill Cosby
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Well, I really don't know what the secret of success is but I can tell you that the secret of failure is to try to please everyone. Bill Cosby
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Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. Bill Cosby
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Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie. Bill Cosby
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Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. Bill Cosby
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I'm not going out and hitting a 95-mph fastball where I can't see the stitches. I'm not on a professional football team looking to tackle a fullback who is built like solid wood. I'm a thinking person, and I've been blessed with the ability to see some things and talk about them in a way that registers in a humorous and funny way. Bill Cosby
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Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. Bill Cosby
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Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made. Bill Cosby
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The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet. Bill Cosby
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That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked. Bill Cosby
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When you introduce competition into the public school system, most studies show that schools start to do better when they are competing for students. Bill Cosby
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I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger. Bill Cosby
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When you carry a gun, you mean to harm somebody, kill somebody. Bill Cosby
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There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right. Bill Cosby
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I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't. Bill Cosby
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When I was a boy if a girl got pregnant the shame was placed on her and the boy could get away. Bill Cosby
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You don't reinvent yourself; you get better with what you do. Bill Cosby
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You don't know what you're going to fall in love with until you're exposed to it. Bill Cosby
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Brown versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem. Bill Cosby
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I tell stories. Because I believe you can do things that joke tellers can't do, and that is, bring your audience along. Bill Cosby
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There should be more on television that uplifts people and shows them how to better prepare themselves for earning a living. Bill Cosby
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When I decided that I wanted to go to college, I wanted to be a school teacher for 7th and 8th grade boys because I felt that was an important time for them. I had gone astray at that point in my life and really wanted to help keep them from making the same mistake I had made. Bill Cosby
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I think I am a good running back, but I'm really not that fast. There is only one thing I can do, that is throw a cross-body block. Picture perfect. I love it. Not that good at pass blocking. Bill Cosby
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I was 23 years old, a freshman at university, and there I was, on the first day, sitting in a remedial English class. I was so ashamed I almost got up and left, but somehow I knew inside that if I ran away from this, I would hate myself forever. Bill Cosby
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I've always heard about people having a conniption, but I've never seen one. Bill Cosby
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I never saw anything funny in a car commercial - but that's OK. Whatever they wanted to do - it's their product and I'm the spokesperson, and I'm going to deliver. Bill Cosby
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I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. Bill Cosby
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The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it. Bill Cosby
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You'll have many, many friends, but if your relationship with your mate is one hundred per cent of your heart, you'll never need a friend. Bill Cosby
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In America ... the seven ages of man have become preschooler, Pepsi generation, baby boomer, mid-lifer, empty-nester, senior citizen, and organ donor. Bill Cosby
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You people are not prepared. You are well educated and you look cute, but that's not going to cut it. Bill Cosby
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We are the only animals that let our kids come back home. Bill Cosby
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Zip zop wop boopity bop. Bill Cosby
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People should fact check. People shouldn't have to go through that and shouldn't answer to innuendos. Bill Cosby
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My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow. Bill Cosby
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All men should freely use those seven words which have the power to make any marriage run smoothly: You know dear, you may be right Bill Cosby
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Let me say this: I only expect the black media to uphold the standards of excellence in journalism and when you do that, you have to go in with a neutral mind. Bill Cosby
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Every father says the same thing: "Where's your mother?" Bill Cosby
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I don't wear no condom and I don't plan for no kids. Bill Cosby
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"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I said, "And tired." I don't remember anything after that. Bill Cosby
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My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals. Bill Cosby
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I am not interested in statistics that tell me things are not as bad as they seem. Things are horrible. I have met people crying about what is happening, but there is no solution yet. Our children are trying to tell us something, and we are not listening. I don't care what the statistics say. Bill Cosby
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Nobody ever says, 'Can I have your beets? Bill Cosby
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People will frighten you about a graduation....They use words you don't hear often... Bill Cosby
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People should fact check. People should' have to go through that and should' answer to innuendos. Bill Cosby
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The wisest married men give in early. They get in touch with the wife side of themselves, and that's when they stop arguing. Bill Cosby
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The secret of success is to be like a duck, Smooth and unruffled on top, But paddling furiously underneath. Bill Cosby
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As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my [younger] brother... Russel, who taught me what was meant by survival of the fittest. Bill Cosby
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Children today know more about sex than I or my father did. Bill Cosby
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What's your name again? That's right. I'm so glad you know your name. Bill Cosby
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In my old neighborhood, a boy stopped playing when he began to lose his pulse. And then he became the referee. Bill Cosby
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This happened to the people. The Constitution says of the people, by the people, for the people... but the people who got the office, got into office and forgot about the people. Bill Cosby
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The beautiful thing about older people is their ability to cut the fat off of conversation. When they talk, they don't go on forever and ever. They say what they have to say, and that's it. That was my grand dad. Some of the things he said stunned me, but his words were logical. I'll never forget them. Bill Cosby
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If a white man falls off a chair drunk, it's just a drunk. If a Negro does, it's the whole damn Negro race. Bill Cosby
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All Children Have Brain Damage! Bill Cosby
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The problem is that your daughter has given her heart to a 15-year-old boy, and a 15-year-old boy does not yet qualify as a human being. Bill Cosby
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...it was the arts, those noble expressions of the human spirit that are communicated through literature, dance, song, film, drama, painting and sculpture, among the many other such creative means, that helped articulate the sufferings of [these] people that were heard around the globe. Bill Cosby
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There are certain times of the day when you need a balance - that is, your protein and your carbs. I'm a Barry Sears man. I believe that anything green is a carb, and I need 2:1. Two of the carbs to one of the protein. Bill Cosby
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I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread. Bill Cosby
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When you become senile, you won't know it. Bill Cosby
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When you don't understand something, you often laugh. Bill Cosby
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As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by 'survival of the fittest.' Bill Cosby
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I'm not the healthiest, but I am healthy. I'm healthy to the point where there are things that I have to eat that I don't want to eat, but I eat it because I'm enjoying staying alive. Bill Cosby
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If you watch kids looking at something on television, even something that's produced for them and is supposed to be funny, what you'll notice is that they don't laugh. Bill Cosby
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The problems with kids having short attention spans is driven by entertainment, reset buttons on games, games having to do with getting somewhere and heads blowing up. Everything is 'cut to the chase, cut to the chase.' Bill Cosby
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