Bill Cosby Quotes & Wallpapers

Bill Cosby
Total Quotes: 411

I'm supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty," I told her. Without a moment's hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: "It depends on if you're drinking or pouring. Bill Cosby

What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say that grandparents are God's gifts to children. Bill Cosby

People will frighten you about a graduation.... They use words you don't hear often: And we wish you Godspeed." It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices." Bill Cosby

I brought you in this world, and I can take you out! Bill Cosby

My mother was an authority on pig sties. This is the worst looking pigsty I have ever seen in my life, and I want it cleaned up right now. Bill Cosby

Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head. Bill Cosby

Ours is a youth culture, and like a golf tournament, we honor only low scores. Bill Cosby

Fatherhood is asking your son to make up a name rather than tell anybody who he is. Bill Cosby

My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you. Bill Cosby

I said to a guy, I said, Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful?, and he said, Well, it intensifies your personality. I said, Yes, but what if you're an asshole? Bill Cosby

A person with no children says, Well I just love children, and you say Why? and they say, Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth. That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain. Bill Cosby

You know what my father's favorite game is? Come here and pull my finger. Bill Cosby

And tired always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, I am just sick... And I said, And tired. I don't remember anything after that. Bill Cosby

As a comedian, I can walk out in front of 5000 people and not worry about a thing. Not a thing, believe me. But to stand up a face a camera and crew of maybe 15 guys and get up tight about it - to me that's weird. Bill Cosby

The essence of childhood, of course, is play. Bill Cosby

You are not going to 'go forth.' You are going to take that damn hat off and you're going to get a job. Bill Cosby

A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child. Bill Cosby

Listen to John Coltrane enough and after two bars, just two bars at any place, and you know that's him. We all have signature things that happen to be similar that you can predict and you try to stay away from that except the rhythms: those pauses, they're part of my signature, the part where I know when I say nothing, I already painted enough, led enough and I don't even have to say anything. But those pauses don't belong to me. Jack Benny was one of the first guys in comedy to make the anticipation so great that during the pause people start to laugh before the execution. Bill Cosby

Social networking helps reach people easier and quicker. Bill Cosby

I love cake. I love pie. I love potato chips. I love salt. I do not want yogurt, plain yogurt. It's healthy. 'Why don't you like it?' Because it tastes like bad breath. Bill Cosby

George Booth and I are both funny, and from afar, without meeting, admired each other's work. Bill Cosby

What people are tired of, the people who agree with me, what they're tired of is listening to that sound, the sound of the people who've given up. Bill Cosby

According to the State of Florida, the person with the gun has the right to defend him or herself. Bill Cosby

Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first. Bill Cosby

If I didn't like poor people, why would I come and tell them how to make their lives better? Bill Cosby

I don't care what right-wing white people are thinking. Bill Cosby

I love Twitter, but some people use profanity so much that at some point it's like saying, 'Pass the salt.' Bill Cosby

I managed my life to the point that at age 19 I was still in high school. I decided I was too old to be walking down those hallways. Bill Cosby

I'm a Christian. But Muslims are misunderstood. Intentionally misunderstood. We should all be more like them. Bill Cosby

I see Obama as Sisyphus in the first four years. And nobody would speak about the size of the rock, or the elevation of the hill. All you hear people talk about is what he didn't do. Bill Cosby

There are teachers in the United States who cry in the daytime because they see a child or children who haven't eaten properly, children who haven't used soap in so long. Bill Cosby

There is no job a man can do that is undignified - if he does it well. Bill Cosby

I did not want to turn to playing golf because golf is about as much exercise as shuffling cards. Bill Cosby

Anecdote: In a controversial way, Comedian and actor Bill Cosby sought to teach his son the pain of being lied to. Convinced his son had been dishonest regarding an issue, Cosby promised that if he told him the truth, he would not hit him. When his son did confess, Cosby did hit him. Seeing his son's shock and hurt, Cosby said he hoped this lesson had deepened his understanding of the anguish generated by a sense betrayal. Bill Cosby

Guys standing around and talking about Spanish fly: 'You know anything about Spanish fly?' 'No, tell me about it.' Well there's this girl Crazy Mary, you put some in her drink man, she, 'Haaaaaaaaaaaaah.' Oh yeah, that's really groovy man, Spanish fly is groovy, yeah. From then on, any time you see a girl: 'Wish I had some Spanish fly.' Go to a party see five girls standing alone: 'Boy if I had a whole jug of Spanish fly, I'd light that corner up over there. HAAAAAAH.' Bill Cosby

If you know what you want, you will recognize it when you see it. Bill Cosby

It doesn't make any difference how much money a father earns, his name is always Dad-Can-I.... Like all other children, my five have one great talent: they are gifted beggars. Not one of them ever ran into the room, looked up at me, and said, "I'm really happy that you're my father, and as a tangible token of my appreciation, here's a dollar. Bill Cosby

The mother may be doing ninety percent of the disciplining, but the father still must have a full-time acceptance of all the children. He never must say, "Get these kids out of here; I'm trying to watch TV." If he ever does start saying this, he is liable to see one of his kids on the six o'clock news. Bill Cosby

In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck - and, of course, courage. Bill Cosby

If you want to be seen, stand up. If you want to be heard, speak up. If you want to be appreciated, shut up. Bill Cosby

Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us. Bill Cosby

I'm going OUT... because I DESERVE to go out! And I'm going to get DRUNK... because I DESERVE to get drunk! And get out of my way! Bill Cosby

In your 50s, time becomes precious and must not be wasted. Every minute is an excellent opportunity for a good nap. Happy 50th birthday! Bill Cosby

Parenting needs to come to the forefront. Bill Cosby

These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around. Bill Cosby

Our children are trying to tell us something, and we are not listening. Bill Cosby

Why do kids always say peace out, I though peace was in. Bill Cosby

I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook. Bill Cosby

My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, "You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you. Bill Cosby

One of the great mistakes that can be made by a man of my age is to get involved in athletic competition with children-unless, of course, they are under six. And even then, stay away from hide-and-seek. Bill Cosby

A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child. Bill Cosby

Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language. Bill Cosby

Repeat after me. I promise not to run outside of the house. I promise not to run inside of the house. I promise not to touch, pick up, step on, anything that looks interesting. Bill Cosby

Well, I really don't know what the secret of success is but I can tell you that the secret of failure is to try to please everyone. Bill Cosby

My wife stood up in the stirrups, grabbed my bottom lip and said I want morphine! I said But, dear -. She said You shut up! YOU did this to me! And on the next contraction she told everybody in the delivery room that my parents were never married. Bill Cosby

There's no labor a man can do that's undignified - if he does it right. Bill Cosby

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it. Bill Cosby

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods. Bill Cosby

I think the part of media that romanticizes criminal behavior, things that a person will say against women, profanity, being gangster, having multiple children with multiple men and women and not wanting to is prevalent. When you look at the majority of shows on television they placate that kind of behavior. Bill Cosby

Laughter brings out the child in all of us. Bill Cosby

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine. Bill Cosby

The first-born in every family is always dreaming for an imaginary older brother or sister who will look out for them. Bill Cosby

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. Bill Cosby

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much. Bill Cosby

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit. Bill Cosby

I have to follow my thoughts and mine for the gold. I have to dig it out. Bill Cosby

When I say, I don't care what white people think, I mean that. Bill Cosby

All parents experience the same problems. Bill Cosby

There are times my stories become - what I feel - not only accessible to hearing me on television, but they make wonderful reading. Bill Cosby

You come to my comedy show to be entertained. Bill Cosby

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