Andy Rooney Quotes & Wallpapers

Andy Rooney
Total Quotes: 254


My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes. Andy Rooney
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One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist. Andy Rooney
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The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means. Andy Rooney
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If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. Andy Rooney
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The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread. Andy Rooney
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New ideas are one of the most overrated concepts of our time. Most of the important ideas that we live with aren't new at all. Andy Rooney
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Space, like Switzerland, should be neutral. Andy Rooney
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The great virtue of being alone is that your mind can go its own way. Andy Rooney
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Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn't have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout. Andy Rooney
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I just wish insignificance had more stature. Andy Rooney
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I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about, I can't complain about my life. Andy Rooney
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There are more beauty parlors than there are beauties. Andy Rooney
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When you get older you have to be careful about always saying, "Things aren't as good as they used to be." But it's hard not to. Andy Rooney
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I can't choose how i feel. But i can choose what I do about it. Andy Rooney
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Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $371.49 each. Andy Rooney
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I've learned... that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile. Andy Rooney
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Age is nothing but experience, and some of us are more experienced than others Andy Rooney
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Writers don't often say anything that readers don't already know, unless its a news story. A writer's greatest pleasure is revealing to people things they knew but did not know they knew. Or did not realize everyone else knew, too. This produces a warm sense of fellow feeling and is the best a writer can do. Andy Rooney
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I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. Andy Rooney
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A writer's job is to tell the truth. Andy Rooney
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Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens. Andy Rooney
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We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers. Andy Rooney
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Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt. Andy Rooney
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One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly. Andy Rooney
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We aren't consistent in our treatment of animals. Andy Rooney
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No one likes the house next door to look worse or a lot better than his own. Andy Rooney
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Finding the tool is often half the battle. Andy Rooney
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I hate to say it, but I had a great time in World War II. Andy Rooney
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I spent my first 50 years trying to become known as a writer and the next 30 trying to avoid being famous. I walk down the street or go to a football game and people shout, 'Hey Andy'. I hate that. Andy Rooney
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The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. If some of our great decorated trees had been grown in a remote forest area with lights that came on every evening as it grew dark, the whole world would come to look at them and marvel at the mystery of their great beauty. Andy Rooney
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I mean, I'm not a sexist person, but a woman has no business being down there trying to make some comment about a football game. Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way. Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am. Andy Rooney
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I know a lot of you believe that most people in the news business are liberal. Let me tell you, I know a lot of them, and they were almost evenly divided this time. Half of them liked Senator Kerry; the other half hated President Bush. Andy Rooney
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We've sent a man to the moon and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week but for some reason nobody's ever done it. Andy Rooney
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Almost all of us have an elevator or two in our lives somewhere. We wait for them, we ride on them. We're annoyed by the wait but pleased with the lift. Andy Rooney
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I try to look nice. I comb my hair, I tie my tie, I put on a jacket, but I draw the line when it comes to trimming my eyebrows. You work with what you got. Andy Rooney
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My advice is not to wait to be struck by an idea. If you're a writer, you sit down and damn well decide to have an idea. That's the way to get an idea. Andy Rooney
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By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable Andy Rooney
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My mother always called me 'sturdy' and said I have big bones. A little fat is what I am. Andy Rooney
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Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it. Andy Rooney
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As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book. Andy Rooney
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Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of. Andy Rooney
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I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number? Andy Rooney
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People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe. Andy Rooney
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The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment. Andy Rooney
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Death is a distant rumor to the young. Andy Rooney
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When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools. Andy Rooney
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Before a kid learns how to use a computer that can solve mathematical problems, he or she should know how to do arithmetic without a computer. Andy Rooney
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We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness. Andy Rooney
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... all of us talk faster than we listen. Andy Rooney
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Don't keep saying, "I don't know where the time goes." It goes the same place it's always gone and no one has ever known where that is. Andy Rooney
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Anyone should be very suspicious of a sentence he's written that can't be read aloud easily. Andy Rooney
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Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone. Andy Rooney
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I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you... More Andy Rooney
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Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. Andy Rooney
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Did you ever notice that people who are good with a computer don't use it for much of anything except being good with a computer? They know all about information technology, but they don't have much interest in the information. I'm the opposite. Andy Rooney
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A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don't know what they are talking about. Andy Rooney
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Believing is such a comfort that it's hard to give up a belief just because it isn't true. Andy Rooney
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A cat's idea of a 'good time' is to kill something. Andy Rooney
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I think Dan [Rather] is transparently liberal. Now he may not like to hear me say that. I always agree with him, too. But I think he should be more careful. Andy Rooney
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I've learned ... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. Andy Rooney
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The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it! Andy Rooney
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Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn't hurt all the time. Andy Rooney
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I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off Andy Rooney
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Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for. Andy Rooney
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I've learned... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away. Andy Rooney
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Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic calling. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love. Andy Rooney
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I am an atheist... I don't understand religion at all. I'm sure I'll offend a lot of people by saying this, but I think it's all nonsense. Andy Rooney
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